Not Alone

I fell…
It wasn’t sudden,
I could feel it coming.
 
But I tried,
Oh how I tried!
To keep standing.
 
It didn’t work…
Or rather,
It only worked a little.
 
My legs gave out
And my arms grasped what was close
Staying up was anything but a coast.
 
Then arms wrapped around me
Lifted me up
And in safe arms I didn’t have to gulp.

Me! Me! Me!

They scream in my head all wanting the attention to be on them

They never stop

Some days are worse than others

Me! Me! Me!

Pay attention to Me!

Don’t listen to the others

Just me

(Unless of course I can band the others together

And make you listen to our universe alone

Then we can all be supreme, 

Though my part first as it was my idea)

There is not one

There could never be one

How could an entire universe only consist of one

Maybe there are places where one muse is enough

Where a few muses

One for each genre

Could tackle a whole series of stories with one voice

But not me

Never me

Too many at times

They all want attention

They don’t want to share

For my sanity

They do not care.

Just Another Service

When I first learned how to drive most of my friends were jealous because, as one of the eldest amongst us, I was able to get my permit and then my license first.

“You’re lucky to be free before us” they would tell me. I disagreed.

“Driving isn’t freedom, guys, not in my family.”

Driving in my family is not freedom. It wasn’t when I was a teenager first learning and it still isn’t now that I’m an adult and unable to drive. When we learned to drive it meant that there was another person who could run errands for Mom. It was one more service that you were going to be offering.

My friends at the time didn’t understand, mostly because most of them were either single children or the last child with only one or two older siblings. Only one friend understood even if it didn’t apply to her as the youngest child in her family where everyone was able to drive.

I used to think it was something that those with large families only shared. I mentioned this around my mother, who is the youngest of three and there is a seven year age gap between her and her next closest sibling.

“Mother didn’t drive,” Mom said, “So Dad was really happy when I finally learned how to drive. He used the company car-

(This is actually a thing that does exist, or it did at one point.)

“-so he made me my own copy and I drove the family car on every errand that Mother wanted or needed to go on.”

So it wasn’t just a large family thing after all.

Side Effects

Do we ever think about what we are doing?

What are the possible outcomes of actions that we take?

What is the point of our actions if we are not willing to accept the consequences of them?

Is there a point?

What…

Would it be possible to really do something without the consequences?

Would you even want to try?

Would it be worth it if it meant nothing?

 What if you tried it?

Decided that it didn’t matter

Because if you wanted it to matter

Then you wouldn’t have done it

Or you told yourself that

But only to justify your choice

Because you don’t want to see

That you have chosen what to be

Why do I question?

Why do I care?

Honestly guys

This is just too much to bear

 But I want to know what will happen

Should I choose to something do

When the consequences of my actions

Will instead of on me come down on you

That’s not quite right

Because there will consequences be

I thought that the reason behind the action

Was that there would be nothing to see

Side effects can’t be ignored

They can’t be stopped

If you want to make the actions

The consequences will come

Listening Down the Hall

I’m sitting at the end of the hall and learning some things from listening in on what’s going on in the main room.

“I was in the 7th grade when President Kennedy was assassinated.”

“I was in the 7th grade when the World Trade Center Towers fell.”

The first sentence was my mom.

The second sentence was my younger sister.

They are the two people in my family that are the most alike in personality.

Just another realization in my life.

Journals – Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for all of the journals that I was given as a teenager. Without them I would have surely run out before now and then I would be left wondering just what I did with my early twenties.

Journal keeping is one of the things that I do to help me with my memory and some of them are hilarious while others make me weep and still others help me realize that I have changed far more than I ever thought possible.

Check out the original Thankful Thursday. (I will fix the link when I am able.)

EDIT: Link updated as of March 7, 2015

Honest Emotions?

Feelings are easy to read at a glance,
Even if the truth that is shown is outside of the comfort zone.
Right and wrong cannot be explained away.
All you can do is batten down the hatches and ride out the storm,
Looking for a way to incorporate the new knowledge you’ve found.
 
I’ve always read that a person who wears their heart on their sleeve is more honest, but what if they’re using that knowledge to make you think that?
 

Inspired by a story about someone going feral that I’ve read recently.

Quick Word

Just a quick word before I run out of time!

I will only be able to check my blog on Saturdays because there are more problems with the internet going up than we initially predicted. I will still be here, but my weekly blogs will be pre-scheduled like the last week has been. This post itself was written last Saturday and then pre-scheduled for today. Once I get the hang of this I’ll be putting out posts that are from prompts again (though I’ll still put out posts that aren’t from prompts as well).

Thank you for your time!

(Also, the move went well with only a few bumps which I will post about week when I’m able to come again to the city library on Saturday. Thank you to everyone who wished me well!)