Only Way Left is Up

Mistakes again and again

Innocence lost in wrecks of pain

Sobs of guilt

Even as new walls are built

Reaching out with shaking hands

Inching out of restrictive bands

Especially with a broken heart

Soul crushed and ready for a restart

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Colorful Death – Silly Snippet

“…bring death to us all.”

“…What?”

“I said-“

“No, seriously, how can a kid bring death to all of us? He’s, like what? Five? What’s he going to do, crayon us to death?”

“You obviously don’t understand just how dangerous the fuchsia crayon is.”

Seems Like Nonsense

Not sure just why this is happening

Only know that it’s there for sure

Now is the time for things to happen

So happen they certainly will

Even as the world falls down

No one will pull my faith with it

So keep in mind that to us

Is not always given to understand

Cause His ways are not our ways

And life is not supposed to be fair

Life can seem to be nonsensical that way

Things to Hold Other Things – Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for bookshelves. They are magnificent things that can hold your books and random things to distract small children from absconding with your books before losing them underneath the back porch, never to be seen from again.

Check out the original Thankful Thursday. (This link will eventually be updated.)

Not Soft Enough

Time has its way of softening things, but sometimes, even forever isn’t long enough. –from an unknown fanfic

 

Pain is something that she was intimately familiar with, she was born in pain, the sundering of two that had once been one and never been anything else had been almost enough to destroy the two halves that remained in the wake of the loss of the one. The fact that she had to go through with that same feeling once more, this time because she actually chose to do so, left her feeling things that were impossible to describe even to someone who had felt the same thing.

No one could have felt the same thing, though because they had never found another set that was even close to being like them.

Except they were no longer a set anymore. Just two people who were as adrift from one another as they were to others.

“Time will heal these wounds.” She was assured by many.

“Did it heal the death of your soulmate?” she asked one.

“That was different…”

“Only in that you were not strong enough to continue on in that life,” she held up a hand to forestall an offended outburst that was sure to come, “I do not mean that as a slight against you. You were much younger than I; you are still much younger than I as this is your second life, started only a thousand years before while this is still my first which started well over three thousand years before your second life even was a blip. Time will not heal this wound, it may try to scar over with roughened tissue, but that tissue will continually be ripped open once more. There is nothing to be done about it, I just have to live or at least survive.”

The Lunar Monarch smiled sadly, not offended in the least. She knew that she hadn’t been strong enough in her past life; it had been something that had worried her about this life. She had constantly been trying to check herself to make sure she had what it took to fulfill her duties to her people. She hadn’t been concerned with her people in her past life because she’d been stupid, young yes, but very stupid and self-centered as well without meaning to be. She just didn’t want the woman in front of her to break either, not like she had.

“That is still a type of healing, my friend, though it will never heal completely so long as you live and we both know that you will continue to live because you are far stronger than most of us. We have all broken and shattered and been scattered to the winds. It is why we are concerned for you. We don’t want to watch another so dear to us shatter…”

Star finally softened and leaned her head against the other blonde, “I know…it just hurts…so much.”

A tear slid down her cheek, but it was alone in its journey. That didn’t stop the Lunar Monarch from gathering the fragile woman against her chest and rocking her gently.

Heart Broken

I’m not enough for anyone to want

Not to love or hold or care for

A useless being for all involved

Don’t you see that no one will want me?

Even as you look and smile

Quietly unaware because I can’t bear to tell

Unintentionally I have let you think I am worth something

All because I could not break that smile

To do anything to stop the direction of it to me

Eventually, you will know the truth, and that breaks my heart

 

I was reading this book and this one character was just being heartbreaking in my head. After only a few paragraphs reading about him, this popped out.

This kid, he just can’t see that he’s worth anything. It’s not that his parents don’t love him. The society he lives in is kind of split between these two different types of people and his parents are from one type while he’s from the other (he’s adopted, but they didn’t even know his name or who his parents were before some point later in the story because of reasons). The type that he’s from have classes amongst them and from what he can tell, he’s from the lowest class that no one is going to want anything to do with. He doesn’t have the heart to tell his parents this and that this means that he had absolutely no chance of finding someone to be with and start a family with.

And then someone does pick him, wants him and is from the highest class. That girl has her work cut out for her. Seriously.

A Lesser Man

“I’m a coward and I don’t know how I’m still the last one left of my family.” He hung his head, looking down at his daughter’s grave. The last of his family finally gone for no other reason than because a madman decided it would be ‘fun’.

“It’s likely because you are a coward that you’re still alive.”

The grieving father snaps his head up to stare with wide eyes at the boy next to him, “W-what?”

“Cowards are the people that are always left behind by those that hate them because being left with the shame of your own action is far more painful than dying would have ever been.”

The man just continues to stare at him.

“You knew that there were shady things going on in your family, but you didn’t want to look too closely because that would change everything you’d ever believed, because then you’d have to change and do something about it and you didn’t want to do that, did you, Mister? You just wanted to keep going forward and never look back no matter how important it is to actually process the things that happen in our lives. Oh no, you just wanted it to be someone else’s fault, never mind that-“

“Sh-shut up!”

“Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?” the boy smiled cruelly, “Did I hurt your feelings on the day that you buried your daughter? The daughter that you –“

“Shut up!” the man cried, “SHUT UP!”

The thing that looked like a boy laughed, but didn’t stop talking. “Is there something wrong with realizing that the only reason your daughter is dead is because you couldn’t stand up for what was right early enough to actually make a difference? I mean, you’d think you would have learned after your wife died right in front of you by her own hand that this path that you’ve chosen is the wrong one, but did it? What about when you discovered that your sister and your father were-“

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

The boy was no longer laughing, “That’s the thing, Chris, just because you want things to be a certain way doesn’t mean that you get your wish, not after all of the cowardly things you’ve done and allowed to happen in your life when you knew better!” the boy hissed. “You are a coward, Chris, as like many cowards, that means that you get to be the last man standing.”