Waiting It Out

Got to work through the emotions
Remembering it hits each of us differently
Isn’t it strange the peace some feel
Even as others break down into tears
For parting is more than sweet sorrow

The Choice

While movement is needed to heal
Ordinary tasks feel impossible
Relying on determination to power through
Taking time to rest is also required
Hoping that everything holds together

Times I have wondered, in pain
Having the thought of another way
Even as I know there is not

All I can know is to move
Going forward needed regardless
Opening myself to healing pain
Not going to ignore what’s needed
Years it may take, but not regretted

Started this because I’ve thrown out my back and it’s agony to work through the stretches for something like a week now. It got me thinking about the pain from emotional and mental wounds, though. We have to stretch in more ways than just physically when we’re hurt in more ways than just physical. It hurts when you’re healing because you’re having to build back up a piece at a time and you still have to rest to keep what’s healing from breaking down all over again.

I read a post once about a child and their parent arguing over whether whatever doesn’t kill you actually makes you stronger. The dad went away for a bit and then came back and reminded their kid about how they had fixed the kid’s bookshelf after it broke and how the use of the wood glue with the screws had made the shelf stronger now than it had been before it broke. Because they had been talking about this, the dad realized that it wasn’t the breaking of the shelf that made it stronger, but the act of fixing or healing it, which was a choice that they had made instead of just throwing the shelf out.

So it isn’t the thing that tried to hurt or kill you that makes you stronger after surviving, it’s the choice you make to heal and then sticking to that choice even as it hurts.

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It’s Not About What You Earn

Don’t you talk about someone I love like that
Even as I try to keep my temper
Speaking evenly instead of spitting
Reaching inside for whatever calm there is
Even as they continue harshly
Verging on starting a full-blown fight
Especially don’t talk about yourself that way
Speaking about someone I care about includes you

I get into arguments with one of my siblings sometimes. They have a hard time when speaking about themselves and sometimes when speaking with others as well. It bothers me because I care about not only the others my sibling is speaking about, but about them, the speaker, as well. I see a meme sometimes about how someone warns a group of people not to talk about their loved one like that or they’re going to get a punch to the face. This is usually followed by that loved one speaking poorly about themselves and the other immediately having to find a way to follow through with their original threat.

That meme always made me laugh.

It’s both not as funny while also still being hilarious having to experience it in real life.

Strength To Carry On

Remember each moment that’s gone by
Even as you say farewell
Grief lets you know of the love
Rent from you by the veil
Each precious moment a shining star
Taking your heart as they fell

I was told once that you know you’re an adult when you have to make your own doctor appointments. I’ve found that, though this is true, it’s also…not.

You know you’re an adult when you have to schedule a final appointment for a beloved, but slowly dying family pet.

Just remember that your love for them can keep you warm after they’ve gone ahead.

Take a Breath

So things keep coming fast
Until buried I am
Reacting without thinking
Vision impaired
Insisting I see fine
Void overtaking thought
Even as the walls close in

Only realizing when firmly lost
Reaching out for some direction

Take each moment
Hear my heart beat
Remember I’ve done this before
Instead of slipping, standing strong
Voice found with the path
Everyone gets lost

Just don’t give up, decide to…

Looking up yet in
I find myself again
Victories start small
Even as movement pushes forward off the wall

Go Forth

Can’t seem to think
Reaction time’s all wrong
And watching the day go by
Went through the motions
Life, take control of my own

Told my niece the other day to take control of her life. Told her that she needed to find something to focus on and not just exist day-to-day.

The irony of me needing to hear the same said to me is not lost on me. Some days you can walk, others you can run, and then there are the days that feel like you’re crawling an inch at a time. The important thing is to just keep going.

Spiral Spine

Take a step back
Wait for a breath
In and out
Silent as you think
Talk when you are calm

This is to remind you to breath, in case you forget to breath.

Julian cianciolo, youtuber

I Stumble

If you’re not making mistakes, you’re doing it wrong. If you don’t fix your mistakes, you’re really doing it wrong. If you don’t admit to your mistakes, you’re not doing it at all. –TheSovereigntyofReality

Even as I sit and stare
Reaching inside for something more
Right or wrong pulling inside
Only to leave me confused
Reacting as I stumble through

One Moment

Freedom isn’t about getting to do everything you want; it’s about being responsible for everything you do, and being responsible for the results of what you do as well. As a free person, you get to choose, but you also have to be responsible for your choices. –MarbleGlove

For oft have I stood on the path
Reasoning to myself where to turn
Even as the road stretches onward
Eclipsing the option to return

Stir Crazy – Manic Monday

For I have felt fear
Lurking behind me
Even as I seek shelter
Especially with what I face before me

So my dogs figured out how to open the chicken yard this morning. No chickens or ducks were harmed in the events that followed, but I spent about an hour with my niece and then nephew trying to catch our birds and put them back. Most of them were fairly easy to catch with the help of our oldest dog. Vincent is very skilled at pinning our chickens without hurting them and can even pick them up without harming or killing them.

Our rooster, on the other hand, got out of the yard entirely. My niece and I chased up all up and down the easement to the south of our property. He kept trying to run out onto the road, which is a major road in our valley. We finally managed to pin and capture him, but it was very tiring and we were all scratched up. The easement is mostly a steep little hill that leads from our fence to the road.

I’m pretty sure commuters got a kick out of watching a grown woman and a teen chase a rooster alternately away from the two roads while occasionally lunging in an attempt to catch him. (Our house is on a corner.)

He evaded us every time until we were able to herd him around the fence and into the actual front yard where we pinned him in a hedge that partially shields the house from the road.