Just Stop

I didn’t want to exist anymore, so I stopped existing.

 

Sometimes she just wanted everything to stop. To not be there at the back of her head so that she could finally not be that person anymore.

The person whose parents didn’t even know she existed until they were trying to kill her.

The person who had to all but rip her sister’s mind apart in order to fix it. Twice.

The person who would be trapped forever watching over a family that, while the main line would live long would eventually grow old and die.

Leaving her alone.

She just wanted it all to stop so that she didn’t have to look at the long and lonely years that stretched before her without end.

She wanted to stop existing.

But she couldn’t.

To do so would require all of the stars in the universe to stop shining, ending life as anyone knew it.

She couldn’t be selfish like that.

So she kept going.

No matter how much she was dead inside.


Why am I writing this depressing thing? Because it wanted to be written that way.

She Ignored the Signs

She was done with this, done with everything. She had given it her all and nothing good had come of it. She was tired and ready for it to be all over. To tell the truth, she had been ready for it to be over months ago, but had she stopped then? No, like a dupe she had kept going even when she knew that it wasn’t going to get her anywhere.

She had been lying to herself far more than he ever had. After all, he’d have never been able to lie to her for so long if she hadn’t ignored all the warning songs and allowed this farce of a relationship to continue. She just hadn’t wanted to be alone and so had manipulated every flaw, every moment that pointed out that he wasn’t in it as far as she was in her mind to make them appear as if they were nothing more than negative thinking.

The actual end of the relationship was only bitter because she had held on long after he’d already let go. And no matter what her friends said about how he was scum for dragging this out longer than it needed to, she knew that they were wrong. He had shown signs that he wanted out, but she had ignored them, putting off arguments and conversations that he wanted to have because she didn’t want it to end.

It had ended anyway and while he wasn’t blameless in all of this, neither was she.


Written for this week’s Trifecta challenge (I’m entering this one this time): http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2014/02/trifecta-week-111.html