Not Static

Can’t decide to survive
Halting everything in their stride
Only looking through my eyes
Isn’t it draining, all those lies?
Cheerfully unknowing whats inside
Especially when choosing to deride

We all have those moments where we say things because we aren’t thinking and are just reacting. It’s actually something I was talking about with my sister’s youngest. We can both have explosive tempers, but once we’re wound down, we always feel regret for how we have acted.

But just as we chose to speak when we really shouldn’t have, we can also choose to learn how to control that impulse.

We are who we choose to be. Choose. -Hogarth, Iron Giant

Choice

There comes a point where you have to decide what you’re going to do with your life. His sister had made her choice long ago and while he hadn’t wanted to live with her decision, he’d had to.

Now…

Now he had to make a decision about how he was going to live.

For someone that hadn’t made a decision that affected just him not even once in his life, that was going to be all but impossible.

But he would learn.

It wasn’t like he had a choice now.

(You always have a choice.)

Feeling Empty

Have you ever sat and pondered the purpose of life?

Just…stopped.

Stopped whatever you were doing and sat down, because you needed to think, needed to decide on a direction before you did anything else, even if it was just to sway in the winds of your trials and troubles.

Because you didn’t know which direction to go anymore.

Didn’t even know if you were moving in the first place in order to stop until you’d actually sat right down and thought about it.

This was very much one of those moments for Neal.

He realized that this was likely what had happened to Star and Comet, his untouchable cousins who were more sisters to him than anything else. Unbelievably old in comparison to everyone and anyone they’d ever met and yet so full of innocence.

Somehow untouched by all that they had seen and lived through, though how you could call most of their existence actually living was a mystery to him for so many years.

There had likely been millions if not billions of times that one or the both of them had sat down and stopped to think just as he was doing now.

It didn’t help him at all.

Because he didn’t know just what two paths (or possibly more) that they were choosing between. What good could such knowledge do for Neal now anyway? It wasn’t likely that he’d choose the path that led back to his family (though they likely would never call him such again). Going that way would be far more painful in the short run (possibly even the long run if he was honest. Some things once broken can never be put back together, especially when the pieces have been ground down to dust and scattered.)

Continuing the path he’d tread for so many decades now (had it really been that long? It didn’t feel like it) seemed the far more sensible course to take. He was already familiar with this path in the first place after all, and it was an old friend (or at least, an only friend.) Could he really abandon something he’d fought so long and hard for?

(Hadn’t he already had to rip apart his own heart and purpose once? Shouldn’t that have been enough?)

(It wasn’t. He knows that, somewhere inside of what is left of the soul he traded for empty promises.)

Do or Do Not

“We don’t really have a choice, do we?”

“That is where you are wrong. There is always a choice. The real question is, which ending are you more comfortable with, ethically?”

“What?”

“You heard me. There is always, always a choice to make. You can let things happen and you can fight against them or you can do something completely different. The point is that there is a choice, especially when it looks like there isn’t.”

“You’re talking crazy! I can’t let him hurt people like that!”

“But you could, you know, it’s a choice you make, even if it’s a choice you made before the question was even asked. The fact that you’ve stayed with that answer instead of looking around for some other way speaks to me of one of at least two things. Number One: you fully believe that this is the way to go, or Number Two: you are too weak or uncreative to find another way.”

“What?”

“So which consequence would you rather live with?”

Just a Choice

It’s not really cheating.

Just a nibble is all,

Nothing to be concerned about.

Why are you looking at me like that?

It’s not like I can’t stop before it gets too bad.

I am a grown person,

I don’t need your approval!

Stop looking at me like that!

There is nothing wrong with what I’m doing.

If you have a problem, then perhaps you should leave.

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

‘I can do what I want.’

That’s what grown ups say, isn’t it?

So why do I feel like I’ve lost something?


Inspired by the picture prompt from today’s Light and Shade Challenge. This time, I stayed in the 100 word limit.

Forever Grateful

Focusing on my own life
Or should I cast aside myself for another?
Really, I am not the first to wonder,
Even now, others ask this same question.
Vain thoughts and wishes crowd my mind,
Each demanding attention, one last plea to be listened to.
Reaching a decision, I step away and towards my chosen path.
Bravery and love know no boundaries.
Gone are the worries of this life,
Relief is my last thought, followed quickly by peace.
At the very least, my family is safe and friends as well.
Taken from life early, but also through choice.
Even though there are those who mourn,
Family and friends will forever remember my final moments.
Untold are the stories of many who choose to
Lose their lives for the sake of others.

Written in honor of those who give their lives in the defense of another, whether those saved are close friends and family or complete strangers.

http://theseekersdungeon.com/2014/02/27/dungeon-prompts-season-2-week-9-gratitude/