Own Up To It

What hurts the most is being so close, and having so much to say and watching you walk away. -Rascal Flats

Sometimes the saddest part is knowing how close we were.

Knowing that we could have had it all,

But seeing that you weren’t quite ready.

But is it my fault?

Why is it my fault?

I was ready and waiting.

I waited and waited and waited.

But you never came.

I had to accept that and move on.

So why is it my fault for not standing there longer?

You still haven’t reached our previous meeting spot.

So I stopped waiting.

I had to go on.

I had a life as well and though I wish with all my heart that you were here next to me…

I have to accept that you’re not.

That doesn’t mean that you get to blame me for this!

I am not at fault!

You made your decision, so own up to it!

Accept your own decision before you start to ridicule mine!

You don’t get to leave me high and dry and then play at the victim.

It doesn’t work like that.

I won’t let you make me feel guilty for you deciding to ditch me!

Your self-righteousness is disgusting to me, revolting to my senses!

If you want to play victim, then leave me out of this!

Because I won’t sit here and be your punching bag anymore.

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image: here


Written for yesterday’s FreeWriteFriday prompt: http://kellieelmore.com/2014/06/13/fwf-free-write-friday-are-you-up-for-this/

(pants) I feel…a little…better…

Thank you, Kellie.

Familial Friends

He hadn’t been in her life very long.

Well, ‘very long’ didn’t mean quite the same thing to her as it did to him, but that wasn’t the point.

The point was, Mary hadn’t known Alex even nearly as long as some of her ‘short term’ friends or acquaintances back home, but he was already a very important part of her life. So that meant that his opinions were also very important to her.

“I can’t believe you said yes!”

Of course, he was also prone to overreacting in some cases, and she hadn’t quite learned how to calm him down quickly enough for her tastes.

“Alex-”

“You barely even know him!”

“Alex-”

“What possessed you to say yes?”

“Alex-”

“I mean, there’s no possible way that he is ever going to be good enough-”

“ALEX!”

Alex’s mouth shut with a click.

“Thank you. I realize that you are worried, but there is no cause for concern-”

“No cause-!” He started up again, but quickly stopped when he saw the look on her face.

“I know that you are worried, but I’m also aware that you’ve already ‘researched’ everything there is to know about Warren and if you really were against me knowing him, you’d have found some way to make him disappear.”

Alex looked slightly uncomfortable, “I wouldn’t have made it a permanent one unless he really deserved it…”

Mary nodded her auburn head, “Which is one of the reasons why I didn’t have too much of a problem with you looking into his past. The point is, I said yes. It is my decision and I have made it. Now, are you going to be an adult about this and accept my decision or should I find some way to drown you out for the next few hours?”

Alex pouted, “I don’t know why you’re always treating me like a child. I am older than you.”

“You appear older, that is all and you know it.”

Alex rolled his eyes and plopped himself down on the sofa across from her. “As far as anyone is legally concerned, I am the older one and that is what we decided to stick to-”

“What you decided.” she muttered playfully, knowing that she had won.

“-and so it makes no difference to bring anything up otherwise. Now,” Alex’s eyes began to sparkle, “Have you decided on a date yet?”

Mary groaned and put her head in her hands as Alex started talking about wedding preparations.


Inspired by Suzie81’s weekly word challenge: http://suzie81speaks.com/2014/05/18/weekly-word-challenge-friendship/#like-14158

I just couldn’t get this little conversation out of my mind once I read the prompt! Don’t worry, Alex and Warren will have their little moment as well!

Point of View

Very often I am afraid,
I know that I am always alone.
Can’t anyone see that I need help?
This isn’t going to come out at home…
I wonder just what I have done?
Must have been something to deserve this.
Whatever happened to the Golden Rule?
Because I have nothing else going for me,
Unless I take it myself.
Lower myself to this pitiful display,
Let me use this to feel better about myself.
You won’t tell anyone, they won’t believe.
It must have expired long ago…
But no one else is doing anything…
You can’t expect me to try if they won’t!
Stop looking at me as if this is my fault!
Totally overblowing my role.
At least I’m not the one to through the punch,
Never did I say the words,
Don’t look at me when they limp away!
Ever think that they should stop it themselves?
Remember that I stood by and did nothing I will forever…

When I first saw the prompt, I was reminded of two things:

1) When I was a little girl, everyone got a turn on the swing we were all pushing like a bench swing, but every time my turn came around, I was pushed to the ground and ignored. There were only a few that did any actual pushing, but no one else would even look me in the eyes when they quickly pushed the line forward once more.

2) Even though she’d been bullied mercilessly and far worse than I ever had, my niece jumped into a ditch that was flooding to grab out a little girl she’d only met that day even though she wasn’t the strongest swimmer. She never made all that many friends in the neighborhood while we lived there because most would bully her or stand by and do nothing, but she’d stand up for them or dive into the river for their siblings anyway.

At one point or another in our lives, we will each stand in one of the places in this scenario. The question we have to ask ourselves is: Will we continue those actions?

Will you allow yourself to be pushed down over and over before you walk away?

Will you continue to bully once you realize with horror that, that is exactly what you are doing?

Will you continue to watch on as another is degraded for whatever reason or excuse you were using to justify your previous behavior?

Will the answer you give now stay the same, or will it change?

Prompt: http://tracesofthesoul.wordpress.com/2014/05/15/reflections-shared-tracesofthesoul-prompt-2-silent-witnesses-bystanders/