Mother of Pearl

Poor the earth remains at her loss
Even as others mourn
A moment in my memory stands
Real to me as this point in time
Life and love shared in equal measure

A wonderful woman has passed this day. A woman who gave love to all within her reach, whether they were deserving of it or not. In her eyes, all deserved love and care.

She was not mine, but that didn’t stop her from loving me all the same.

She had known pain and sorrow and instead of letting it destroy her, she let it polish that which was good within her.


Remember the Love and Not the Anger

That is not the woman I knew growing up, that is a woman desperate to get into heaven. –unknown


For me, the above quote is not quite correct. It’s not so much that she is desperate to get into heaven and more that she remembers her early days as a mother, when she didn’t really know what she was doing and let her emotions of anger, fear and frustration take over and is privately horrified at it. She wants to be different and not the way she was at first.

She wants to be better than she was and so is trying.

Because she wants her children and her grandchildren to remember her love and not her anger.

Just Breathe

Take a moment to stop and breathe.

Did it work?

Were you able to take a full moment where nothing was happening within you save for the breath entering and leaving through your body and mind?

I didn’t think so.

It is a tall order to try, much less succeed. It is possible, there are countless people throughout time and all over the world who have been able to accomplish it. But is it something that everyone can accomplish the same exact way?

I think not.

Breathing, meditating, taking a moment to really calm down and let yourself just flow within your own mind, is something that is done differently and means something different to each and every person. The countless combinations that are the human mind and soul make it so. There are those that have similar enough personalities and wants and needs and desires that have to accomplish this differently enough and then there are those who couldn’t be more different who find the same comfort and balance from the same exercise or practice.

For myself, I think that the moment where I can ‘go with the flow’ of my own mind, my own heart, is when I am most content with who I am. When I have accepted my life and have decided to work with it and through it rather than needing to ignore something within it. When I am with my family, whether it is all of them or just one or any combination of the above that I am most at peace.

Listening to my eldest nephews play in the backyard, carefree and innocent with the world. Knowing that each has already been touched by something that I would never wish to happen to even my greatest enemy and yet knowing that they are still there, trying to live their lives and find their own joy, even if it is only for the moment.

Watching my eldest niece curl up with a good book, cat in her lap purring in contentment as she slowly turns page after page of whatever had caught her fancy. Or even leaning back against the dying tree in our backyard with a notebook and pencil in hand, drawing out the pictures and scenes in her mind using the knowledge she has gained from the various classes and practices as well as incorporating and using her own style of drawing.

Attending the birthday party of the current youngest of my extended family and watching him enjoy ripping into the wrapping paper of the presents around him while the other children lean forward in anticipation of what their newly turned two-year-old cousin has received. The big smile on his face as I hold him up to blow out the candles of the basketball-shaped gingerbread cake his mother has made from scratch.

Having to run outside to stop the younger nieces and nephews from digging up the stakes holding the fence on the hill in place and pulling on the hibernating branches of the blueberry bush. Finding out that a small amount of hand-sanitizer can make more mud than you’d think possible even on a dry and clear day.

Watching as my mother gathers her granddaughters around for various sewing projects and lessons as each of them and any friends they have brought soak up the attention and the joy on their faces as they present their mothers with the first sampling of their labors. The pride on their faces when they see their mothers using the gifts every day.

There are too many moments where I find myself at peace with my life, being able to ‘move with the flow’ of my own spirit to write down, but knowing that they are there, waiting inside of me to be brought forth, helps to soothe me during times of grief and moments where what little control I have is lost for uncountable minutes.

Taking a moment to just breathe and be.

Written for this week’s DungeonPrompts:

Fear is a Four Letter Word

With so much going on,
I never have enough time
To find the comfort needed.
An early wake up call,
A mother in need,
Drive there as fast as can be.
Quick, take your wife,
Your beloved companion for life
To the hospital to make sure she’s all right.
Children are sleeping,
Dreaming sweet dreams
Unaware of the fear surrounding their parents.
And here I sit at home,
All alone and yet not,
Praying that no more pain will come.
They’ve been through so much,
Five pregnancies, three of which turned out all right;
Please don’t let this one go like the first.
A child was lost so long ago
And though there have been three cheerful smiles since,
These two unborn lives might be at risk.
So I sit here,
Wrapped in my fear
And Pray that it will be enough.

One of my sister’s had a scare this morning in the wee hours. She’s currently pregnant with twins; they are her fifth pregnancy. She has three beautiful children, but her first pregnancy was a miscarriage. Her husband was able to call another sister of ours to come and watch their young children this morning while he drove his wife to the hospital. He let us know that both heartbeats are going strong at the moment, but is still very shaken.

Mom went over an hour ago to help out for the day.All I can do is to pray that they will be all right.

Typical Saturday Morning

I sit here at home and listen to the sound of children as they move about the house. They argue and talk and whine and run about. Cars are banged on, piggy banks are dumped out and all the coins are counted fiercely. One child begs to have a turn on the computer, but he needs someone to log him in. Another refuses to move from their bed, but at least got dressed. The last insists on brushing her hair in the dark in a walk-in closet because she finally knows her way around everything on the floor.

Soon they will start their household chores before running off to the library and spending a day amongst the shelves of computer screens. They will read and wonder and draw and look up things about Minecraft and a million other things before their time runs out.

They will trudge home under a cold, clear Autumn sky and rub their hands together to keep them warm. Once they reach the street they live on, they will bound forward with renewed energy and play with friends available before coming back inside and reading some more. Maybe they will cajole their way into more video game time or perhaps they will hole themselves up in a bedroom and fashion things from legos and other toys before beginning a grand adventure that crosses planets and oceans and the stars without ever leaving the room. Maybe they will draw some more and bring their creations out to hang upon the backdoor with light streaming through.

These children all around me will take random moments in time to stop and make sure that their grandmother and aunt are fine and are they sure they don’t need anything? Their mother is at work and will call to check in just in case because grandmother’s health is shaky and aunt’s memories like to retrograde at random moments. Still, all are welcome within the small home that houses six and two cats.

Of all the things I am grateful for the health and happiness of these children all around me is one the most paramount.

Written for FreeWriteFriday and posted a day late as usual for me. smiles