Waiting It Out

Got to work through the emotions
Remembering it hits each of us differently
Isn’t it strange the peace some feel
Even as others break down into tears
For parting is more than sweet sorrow

Strength To Carry On

Remember each moment that’s gone by
Even as you say farewell
Grief lets you know of the love
Rent from you by the veil
Each precious moment a shining star
Taking your heart as they fell

I was told once that you know you’re an adult when you have to make your own doctor appointments. I’ve found that, though this is true, it’s also…not.

You know you’re an adult when you have to schedule a final appointment for a beloved, but slowly dying family pet.

Just remember that your love for them can keep you warm after they’ve gone ahead.

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The Whole

May you find your peace with this. May we all. — Hercules Poirot

It’s hard trying to move on when you’ve lost something, or someone. Or even when you’ve left behind a specific point in your life. Getting up and making the choice, again and again, to just keep going can be one of the most difficult things to do. Some have said that it gets easier the more you do so, and sometimes that’s true.

Sometimes it makes it harder, though, because you’re just so tired of getting up, again and again.

And then there are the times you think you’re going to lose someone irreplaceable. You have to prepare yourself for it, because it’s going to come and you know it. You know it. You brace yourself against the pain, knowing that it likely won’t make that much of a difference when it comes because losing someone like this is never going to stop hurting.

Sometimes you get a miracle, and they live. The relief in that moment is indescribable. you’ve braced yourself, telling yourself that you’ll get through the pain, knowing that such thoughts are gentle lies at best, only to find them not needed at all.

Sometimes…

Sometimes the miracle isn’t a relief for you, but rather a relief for them. A relief from their pain and suffering.

You learn that the bracing doesn’t help as much as you told yourself it would. You learn that even though you’re able to keep getting up, again and again, the hurt comes back in waves in little unexpected moments.

But…

But you remember wonderful things in those same moments as well.

So take the time to mourn, but don’t let your grief be all about sorrow. Let it be about the whole of the life lived, the good and the bad.

Holes

“It tears holes in people in different ways.  Holes you can’t fill.  That’s not what you’re trying to do.  You’re not trying to fill it.  You’re trying to help them live with it.”

 

“Star, you need to grieve.”

“I have.”

Solaris shook her head, the earrings on her ears tinkling as the symbols on them making the soft noise, “You haven’t, Star, you really haven’t.”

Star says nothing; the black of her suit doesn’t sparkle the way it used to, the way it’s supposed to as a representation of the night sky.

“Star-“

The young-seeming woman turns and for the first time since Solaris has been crowned the Solar Monarch walks away without so much as a gesture to the woman she’s sworn to protect and obey until the day the Solar Monarch is laid to rest in the ground.

Solaris watches with sorrow-filled eyes as her oldest friend walks away from her.

“Oh, my dear friend, just because she is lost doesn’t mean that your sister won’t ever be found.”

Star doesn’t hear her, she’s too far away, lost in the grief that she won’t let herself feel.

The Good Shepherd

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. –Psalm 23:1

Softly shushes me and

Holds me close. Comforting

Even as I am allowed to grieve.

Perhaps this Person knows

How it is to grieve and that

Eventually it all needs to be

Released so that I can

Deal with this pain.

 

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff comfort me. –Psalm 23:4

Grief – Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for the ability to grieve. It’s not something people usually think about when someone or something is gone. Being able to grieve is a gift that we don’t think about.

Some cannot cry

They sit and wonder why

No tears will flow

Their hearts can’t let go

 

They keep trying

Some continue crying

Wanting to be free

To let themselves be

 

Learning to grieve

To find something to believe

Doesn’t mean you forget

Doesn’t mean you don’t regret.

 

Remember to check out the original Thankful Thursday.

Life’s Dark Book

Her pale face was the lantern

By which they read in life’s dark book.

-RS Thomas, On The Farm

Mary’s face was pale, well, more pale. Her sons stood next to her in their own black clothing, their faces just as pale as their mother’s, though their tears were more easily seen.

Mary had faced things like death of family all her life, long before she’d ever met or had any of her current family, but she had never been so cut off from her Bond mate.

Her mind was more lonely than it had been even after the sealing of the pathway she shared with her sister. This was different and so much more painful.

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Written in response for today’s Light and Shade Challenge, again. But this time I managed to stay within the 100 word limit!

 

Grief-stricken

She screamed out her anger, her rage and her grief.

The winds ripped around her, destroying whatever they could grasp in their wispy fingers and shredding anything that stood against them. Ice spiked out from her and were reduced to hard needles in the whirlwind.

She doesn’t look up to view the destruction she has caused, is causing. She doesn’t care.

In her arms lies her child, his eyes blank and his features slack.

Rigor mortis has not set in yet.

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Written because when I’m tired and my head aches a certain way, this scene will not go away.

This was also written quite a bit ago and couldn’t decide if it would settle itself into my Former Guardian universe or not. It just sort of floats around my head from time to time and is incredibly depressing.

Teardrop Creations – Day Thirteen

Teardrop creations,

That is what we are called.

We were created

By our Mother of All.

 

She was so Lonely,

Our Mother of All,

She called out for others,

But none answered Her Call.

 

Tears welled up in her eyes,

She sobbed out her heart,

Begging others with cries

To come and stay with Her.

 

When tears fell from her cheeks

They splattered on the ground

And grew up and up,

Until she was surrounded all around.

 

Different things sprung up

And with a tremulous smile,

The Mother of All

Found Her worthwhile.

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Written as my offering for today’s NaPoWriMo Prompt: http://www.napowrimo.net/2014/04/lucky-thirteen/

Also, this is sort of an homage to a universe that I’ve been writing in since grade school. It’s a partially finished work that I have worked off and on through for over a decade and a half at least. I’ve known how it was to end almost since the beginning, it’s getting to the ending that has always been a bit of a problem. The most interesting thing about this story is that it was something that I inherited from a friend and is in no way shape or form a fanfiction. Someday I hope to finished this particular story.

Usako, my owner

The first time I saw…

Those eyes look back at me, I saw in them one more like me. I was not as alone as I had thought. Now I sit warm, my cat next to me, alive.

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Written for this week’s Trifecta about my cat who claimed me, not the other way around, soon after I lost my previous cat to old age. She’s not at all like Tommy was and for that I love her all the more. She didn’t try to replace him, just carved a new niche for herself in my life.

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2014/01/trifextra-week-100.html