Rules of the Game

Games in my family are more than just spending time with one another. They are there for us to find new rules that apparently were needed, but somehow were omitted by the original makers of the game.

For example:

  • Monopoly – You’re not allowed to donate property to ‘Free Parking.’
  • Risk – If you bump the board at all you automatically lose (even if none of the little armies move.)
  • Charades – You can’t be ‘the fireman’s dog’s vet’s cousin’s little sister’s cat,’ etc.
  • Pillow Death Match – You can’t tag for a time-out and have a stunt double take your place.
  • Hide and Seek – You can’t volunteer to count to 50 and then start reading a book instead.
  • any game with die – If it falls off the board/box/wherever the designated place to roll die, it doesn’t count and you get an automatic zero.
  • any game – Before modified rules can be used in a game, they have to be explained clearly and all parties have to agree. (Any rule not in the printed booklet/pamphlet that came with the game or found online is a modified rule.)

When playing, it is fine to play as mercilessly as possible, but always remember that it is just a game and trash talking is not allowed. Be courteous and polite while winning, it makes it more annoying.

There’s more, but I’m too tired to write anymore.

Failed Food

I’ve messed it up once again,
Always something going wrong.
The recipe was easy to read?
That’s a laugh, so laugh along.
 
It said tablespoons, I’m sure.
Oops, was supposed to be 4 teaspoons.
Well, salt is supposed to be savory, right?
With corn, ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce…
 
The cookies are muffins or bars or crisps,
They never seem to look quite right.
Yet I’m assured that they taste just fine.
That would mean more if you actually swallowed.
 
The bread is wholesome and quite tasty.
It’s good for you and all homemade.
The grains were ground this morning.
Now if only it didn’t look like a little brick.
 
You can cook all kinds of things with a roast:
Onions, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes…
All of them come out just right,
But not the broccoli, not even ketchup will save it.
 
There are a lot of different noodles these days.
Not all of them from Asia or Italy.
There are many ways to cook them, many sauces,
But if you’re using peanut butter, just stop.
 
Trying to make brownies
Even followed the box.
Still ended up with too much oil
And not enough chocolate.
 
My family likes to make things from scratch,
Most of it’s pretty good, too.
There were a few learning moments, but in the end?
It all worked out without any food poisoning.

I didn’t write this for a prompt (though I seriously considered it), but because another attempt at cookies failed yet turned out all right. Had some cookie dough I’d made yesterday that tasted fine, but was too structurally unsound to be used for cookies. (They were the flimsiest cookies I’ve ever seen and would not harden at all or stiffen up the way you need cookies to do. It would have made weird granola, but at least taste good.) Finally I added some flour to it today (it wasn’t part of the recipe originally) and then just baked it all together in a cake pan. Turned out just fine after that even though I’ve been told it looks like cake. (It tastes like cookie and once it’s been cut up will make lovely cookie bars.)

The fail-succeed process reminded me of other times in my family when we’ve failed epically in making something.