For Now

“You won’t forget her just because you let yourself heal.” –from a fanfiction

 

Star didn’t want to heal.

Everyone knew that and no one said anything about it. Most didn’t want to bother, still didn’t trust her or were too afraid to bring something like that up to one of the few chaos-souled that had never lost control of themselves in a way that was dangerous to those she had sworn to protect. Not even her sister had been able to keep that oath (though precious few would ever admit that to even themselves). Star had never lost control of her abilities or herself even when she’d felt the complete destruction of her sister-soul’s control and stability of mind.

That didn’t mean that Star wasn’t hurt, though, or that she was stable. She just wasn’t dangerous, a loose cannon, whatever people wanted to call it.

She hurt and she existed and she continued to protect and fight and do just about everything but go crazy and die or actually live.

Star was fine with that.

Others, not so much.

“I just think that spending time with Jack might help.”

“I am not going in for counseling with Jack.”

“I didn’t say that! Just, I don’t know, hang out?”

“No.”

“It’s not like he’s going to do anything.”

“Good, because there’s nothing to do.”

“Star…”

“Lane.”

Solaris huffed a small laugh, knowing without having to say anything that the only reason Star had used her Private Name was to tell her that Star was just fine with the way things were and to politely back off.

The Solar Monarch allowed it.

For now.

Raining Inside

It was never intended to go like this.

Lights flashed and horns honked. The sounds of people surging up all around you almost drown out the breaking of a heart.

But not quite, because nothing can drown out what you hear from your own chest as he turns and walks away for the final time.

He was never one to do things lightly and you knew that when you went into this. You’d thought that your eyes had been wide open.

Just like you thought that he’d stay.

I guess you got a lot of things wrong with this one. Like letting some guy into your heart when you knew better. Just because he’d been so different from every other boy that you’d ever met. Just because he’d actually stood up for against friends and family, people that had been in his life long before you. Just because he’d been understanding without being a pushover.

Just because he was everything that you wanted and you were everything that he had wanted.

Well, thought he’d wanted.

Obviously you weren’t really what he’d wanted.

Or, at least you’re not what he wants now.

So your heart is broken and he’s long since walked away.

The sky is clear, the sun is up, everything looks beautiful and bright and hopeful.

If only it wasn’t raining in your heart.