The Whole

May you find your peace with this. May we all. — Hercules Poirot

It’s hard trying to move on when you’ve lost something, or someone. Or even when you’ve left behind a specific point in your life. Getting up and making the choice, again and again, to just keep going can be one of the most difficult things to do. Some have said that it gets easier the more you do so, and sometimes that’s true.

Sometimes it makes it harder, though, because you’re just so tired of getting up, again and again.

And then there are the times you think you’re going to lose someone irreplaceable. You have to prepare yourself for it, because it’s going to come and you know it. You know it. You brace yourself against the pain, knowing that it likely won’t make that much of a difference when it comes because losing someone like this is never going to stop hurting.

Sometimes you get a miracle, and they live. The relief in that moment is indescribable. you’ve braced yourself, telling yourself that you’ll get through the pain, knowing that such thoughts are gentle lies at best, only to find them not needed at all.

Sometimes…

Sometimes the miracle isn’t a relief for you, but rather a relief for them. A relief from their pain and suffering.

You learn that the bracing doesn’t help as much as you told yourself it would. You learn that even though you’re able to keep getting up, again and again, the hurt comes back in waves in little unexpected moments.

But…

But you remember wonderful things in those same moments as well.

So take the time to mourn, but don’t let your grief be all about sorrow. Let it be about the whole of the life lived, the good and the bad.

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