Stumble

Sometimes the Lord must brings us low before He can lift us higher. -Joseph Smith

For I have gone and hurt myself
Almost as deep as bone
Lost in the pain and darkness
Lo! I do not weep alone.

Right by my side I find
In my heart a warmth
Soft and gentle, loud and clear
Even as I soar.

Fear Not, I Am With Thee

‘Fear not, I am with thee

Oh be not afraid

For I am thy God

And will still give thee aid

I’ll strengthen thee,

Help thee

And cause thee to stand

Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

–LDS Hymn Book #85 – How Firm A Foundation

I’m human, I fear things and I worry about things a lot.

I worry that the next litter of rabbits will die before they can grow old enough. We’ve already lost 2 of the 3 litters that our rabbits have had.

I worry that the littlest chickies won’t survive as we’ve already lost one of the new six.

I worry that the chickens that are almost full grown will die as we just lost one of them last week due to illness though the rest of the flock are doing well.

I worry that the goats will get loose and I won’t be able to track them down in time to get them to come back.

I worry that the boys will miss their bus to school and I have no other way to get them the twenty miles from our house to the school building.

I worry that my mom will fall over and we will have to wait, at best, almost an hour for an ambulance to arrive.

I worry about people that I don’t see every day or even once a month.

I worry a lot. It’s something that I have struggled with throughout the majority of my adult life.

But one thing that I never fear is that the Lord will not answer my prayers. That He will not send the Comforter to be with me in my time of sorrow when I hold seven little bunnies who didn’t make it through the night. That He won’t prompt a neighbor to randomly drop by when I just need someone to talk to about nothing in particular. That He won’t find some other way to send me the aid I need even if it’s only my cat curling up on me at night and purring me to sleep after several sleepless hours.

I don’t fear His abandonment and so long as He walks with me then I know that I will not fall. Or if I do, He will be there to offer me a hand and pull back onto my feet and into His arms.

This little rant was brought to you by the Dungeon Prompt: Fear, How Do You Use It?

“Dawn” by my mother

My first books of poetry were given to me by my mother. At the time I was studying different styles of poetry in elementary school and found that I loved it, even if it was one of those things that I wasn’t the best at. It wasn’t until several years later, when cleaning out some boxes from the storage room, that I found a slim red-covered notebook with ‘A Collection of Poetry’ written on the front page in my mom’s elegant cursive.

(Seriously, her cursive is so beautiful that it reminds me of calligraphy. I lament the fact that cursive wasn’t as important during my learning years as it obviously was during hers.)

Inside of the notebook held a lovely collection of works that my mom had written throughout her life. Many of them were written for people that I have never met, but my favorite one is the first one inside the notebook. It goes as follows:

Dawn
 
I saw my daughter just today,
All rosy pink and new.
My precious little gift from God
Shone fresh as morning dew.
 
I saw my daughter just today,
Her chubby hands still held
Her favorite doll, a circus clown,
All ragged, smiling still.
 
I saw my daughter just today
With pigtails curling round,
And tied with ribbons, white and pink,
Dressed in my evening gown
 
I saw my daughter just today
With rouge and lipstick on,
High heels and all the latest styles:
My little girl was gone.
 
I saw my daughter just today,
A woman now, full grown.
Her beauty took my breath away;
Oh, how the years have flown!
 
I saw my daughter just today,
So still and white with death.
I pled with God with all my heart,
“Please, do not take her yet!”
 
I saw my daughter just today,
She talked of memories sweet,
And of tomorrows we will share
When once again we meet.
 
I saw my daughter just today,
A promise in her eyes.
“Someday I’ll be with you again,
We’ll say no more goodbyes.”
 
I saw my daughter just today.
“Keep close to God,” she said.
“Draw comfort from the things He says
And death won’t be so sad.”
 
I saw my daughter just today.
“It’s time for me to go.
My love for you is always here
Because you loved me so.”

She wrote this for her cousin when she lost her daughter. I don’t think I was even born at the time. She says she was cooking dinner at the time she received the call from her sister-in-law. Mom had to stop what she was doing, sit down and just write this.

“It just flowed.”

I still can’t read this poem without crying no matter how old I have gotten and how many times I’ve traced her words.

Written for Suzie’s Weekly Challenge: http://suzie81speaks.com/2014/06/08/weekly-word-challenge-books-poetry-and-prose/

Forest Revere

photo by jazza on rgbstock.com

A moment alone
In a forest of one
Brings clarity
Clears rebellion.
 
The wind in the trees
Whisper softly to me
Of secrets 
And gentle reminders.
 
They tell me I’m not alone
Though no one I see
Because Someone
Is always walking with me.
 
The birds chirp loudly
And fly over head
Startling me
out of revere.
 
I look to the sky
Notice clouds that drift by
Painted the colors
Of the sun’s slowing death.
image: martha0stout's phone

image: martha0stout’s phone

Yet I am reminded
It is not a permanent one
Because I know
That was changed by Someone.
 
Prove it?
No,
I’m happy
As is.

Written for the Friday challenge from Light and Shade: http://lightandshadechallenge.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/challenge-friday-13th-june-2014.html

The second picture is one I’ve manipulated a bit because I couldn’t find any of my sunset pictures.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

We are always told that everything has a price. And you know what? That’s true. Nothing is free, nothing is without a cost. Christ paid the ultimate price for His love for us. no, i’m not talking about just His death. I’m talking about the anguish, the darkness and the loneliness He felt (must have felt) the night before He was taken. Even with His price that has already been paid, there is something that we must give in order to receive His mercy.

As I said before, nothing is free.

But what He asks in return is only our sins, only those things that hurt us. (shakes head at self) If it were just that simple. Our sins, in a way, have come to define us. We have allowed them to take a central role in our lives. Letting go of them is not easy, nor does it seem to be a one-time thing. It is something that we will need to do many times throughout our lives.

I say need because it is not something that many want to do. We hold onto them, clinging with all our might, keeping them close to our hearts. After all, if you have chosen something to represent who you are, have made it a part of yourself, do you want to let it go?

Peaceful Contemplation – Day Five

Sitting here I fold my arms rev’rently.
Thinking of what I have learned quietly.
Knowing that my savior looks down lovingly.
He cares for me and all of my family, together we
Know that it is for us He will think.
It was us He continually thought of
When bowed with trials he said “I pray for thee.”
 
Forever will I hold Him in my heart rev’rently
Because I know that he will hold me quietly
And brush my tears away softly.
Of peace and joy and forgiveness will He sing.
“Not just my father sent me, but our
Father who sent this melody.”
 
Together now let us feel rev’rently
And know that He loves us quietly.
As a family we will love Him humbly
For we will not live just now.
There is a future for we
Know that eternal life is something for which we pray.
 
His hands forever will let
Us hold in His own; “Thy
Joy in my words are holy.”
He will say as He wraps around us His Spirit.
For eternity our family will dwell,
Together with Him in
A world that brings peace to our hearts.
Not just tomorrow and yesterday, but today.

From the following song:

Reverently, Quietly 
by Clara W. McMaster
Rev’rently, quietly, lovingly we think of thee;
Rev’rently, quietly, softly sing our melody.
Rev’rently, quietly, humbly now we pray,
Let thy Holy Spirit dwell in our hearts today.

Written for today’s prompt for NaPoWriMo (http://www.napowrimo.net/2014/04/day-five/) and because I’m listening to General Conference today and tomorrow. I felt that I should use a song from the Primary Children’s Songbook (https://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook?lang=eng).

My Path – Day Four

Sitting here alone,
I wonder where I’ll go.
I’m forever lost.
 
I don’t know
What I’m suppose to do.
I chose this.
 
My dark path
Will take me far into
Darkness, always alone.
 
Black space envelops
And yet I feel safe
Here, without distractions.
 
I thought wrong.
I wasn’t always alone here.
You where there.
 
You were with
Me, holding my shaking hand
Giving me hope.
 
My loving Lord.
My eternal Friend, within and
Without my heart.

Written for today’s NaPoWriMo post (http://www.napowrimo.net/2014/04/day-four-2/) but also for FreeWriteFriday (http://kellieelmore.com/2014/04/04/fwf-free-write-friday/) which is a prompt that is dear to my heart.

Yesterday afternoon was very trying and though for a moment I felt alone, I knew in my heart that I was simply being carried.