The Whole

May you find your peace with this. May we all. — Hercules Poirot

It’s hard trying to move on when you’ve lost something, or someone. Or even when you’ve left behind a specific point in your life. Getting up and making the choice, again and again, to just keep going can be one of the most difficult things to do. Some have said that it gets easier the more you do so, and sometimes that’s true.

Sometimes it makes it harder, though, because you’re just so tired of getting up, again and again.

And then there are the times you think you’re going to lose someone irreplaceable. You have to prepare yourself for it, because it’s going to come and you know it. You know it. You brace yourself against the pain, knowing that it likely won’t make that much of a difference when it comes because losing someone like this is never going to stop hurting.

Sometimes you get a miracle, and they live. The relief in that moment is indescribable. you’ve braced yourself, telling yourself that you’ll get through the pain, knowing that such thoughts are gentle lies at best, only to find them not needed at all.

Sometimes…

Sometimes the miracle isn’t a relief for you, but rather a relief for them. A relief from their pain and suffering.

You learn that the bracing doesn’t help as much as you told yourself it would. You learn that even though you’re able to keep getting up, again and again, the hurt comes back in waves in little unexpected moments.

But…

But you remember wonderful things in those same moments as well.

So take the time to mourn, but don’t let your grief be all about sorrow. Let it be about the whole of the life lived, the good and the bad.

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Little Dandelion – Traces Prompt #9, Light and Shade

He offered her a dandelion plant in a small pot. He was aware that she studied the language of flowers greatly and her eyes were slightly angry when they met his. He smiled and handed her a small envelope along with the pot before he hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and left for work.

It was her birthday and she loved plants. He always gave her something for her garden as they rarely had any in the house, small as it was.

She sat, the hated flower sitting next to her and opened the envelope. Inside was a simple card that said the following:

My darling wife,

 

I know that you will see this flower and think of its meaning, a dalliance, a trifling flirtation. That is not what I mean when I see this flower.

 

I think of you.

 

I think of your tenacity. Your inability to give up. You see something that needs to be fixed and even if it is not initially your problem, you try to fix it. You listen to people no matter who they are or where they come from. You care about them even if you will never meet them again.

 

To me, you are a little dandelion who sees a crack in the pavement where there is nothing but grey walls and parched dirt and think, “There! That is the perfect place for me to begin bringing a little cheer and color to this place.”  You will slowly send out seeds and spread the cheery yellow happiness of life whenever you are able to do so.

 

So do not look at this little flower that is often thought off as a weed or nothing more than a dalliance. Look at it and see how eager it is to spread a little life where there is only desolation.

 

All my love.

 

She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up at the little potted plant.

She smiled.

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This was written for two different prompts, but it is only because of both of them that I was able to write this story. Thank you for the Traces Prompt, Olianna and thank you for the Light and Shade Challenge, Lyssa and Thomas.

Sister Starts – Thankful Thursday

Today I am grateful for many things, but mostly I’m grateful that I’m still here and that I have my family with me. Today is a little different because today is sort of the day that we begin.

It’s not my parents’ anniversary, it’s not the day they met. No, today is different.

Today is the day that my eldest sister, the first of my parents’ children, was born. We, the children (or the Siblings, as we call each other now that there are children running around our feet too) began today and we lasted a good long while (my parents had children for over a decade).

But my eldest sister was the first.

 

So I am grateful for her, even when we don’t get along and we just want to throttle one another, I love her and am thankful for what she has taught me throughout my life. (She is the reason I know how to do hair in any way, though I still have a lot of practice to do.)

Look for the original Thankful Thursday here: http://mithriluna.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/thankful-thursday-a-bright-future/

In-Laws – Thankful Thursday

This morning was very different for me. My younger sister and her husband are staying with us while we all go house searching the next two weeks or so. This morning was the first morning that they were with us in the morning. It was different to have an adult man in the house; we haven’t had one since my younger brother moved out several years ago and got an apartment. We didn’t have many during my childhood years as my parents divorced when I was in early grade school.

My grandfather lived with us for a year or so right before I went into middle school and again right after I graduated high school, but by then he was very old and sick and slept most of the time.

Having my brother-in-law here is a nice change. He’s very level-headed and good company and is very patient. He also adores his wife and it is very obvious. They haven’t been married quite a year just yet (this November will be their one year anniversary) but they click together really well. It’s not often that you see a well balanced couple, especially one that is still relatively new. Oh they have their ups and downs, just like everyone else, but in the end, they respect and care for one another just as much as they love one another. Their personalities also mesh very well together.

I am always very grateful for them bumping into one another at Wal-Mart a few years ago. I am also grateful for being friends with him and his sister when we were in grade school. The only people we still know from that time are them and my sister’s best friend, Ronnie (who was her Maid of Honor at the wedding.)

image: from martha0stout’s phone

I am grateful for my sister and brother-in-law this morning.

Check out the original Thankful Thursday post for today: http://mithriluna.wordpress.com/2014/05/22/thankful-thursday-a-morning-escape/comment-page-1/#comment-2069

Second Verse – Thankful Thursday

Since last Thursday I have decided that I like this prompt. No, I don’t like it, I love it and I need it. It really turned my day around and I was better for having found it. So I decided to do it again!

I am thankful for:

Accepting the extra party guests

(only supposed to have 2 friends plus 5 cousins…ended up with over 20 kids in a duplex)

 

 

Christmas morning cuddles

 

Peace between mother and daughter

 

Peace between siblings

(they both belong to my sister)

 

Time with Grandma

 

images from: martha0stout’s phone

 

Again I post only a small collection of things I’m grateful for and I look forward to this next week. It really gives me a better view on my life!

Be sure to check out the original Thankful Thursday for this week’s edition: http://mithriluna.wordpress.com/2014/05/08/thankful-thursday-mothers-day-gratitude/comment-page-1/#comment-1985

Just Breathe

Take a moment to stop and breathe.

Did it work?

Were you able to take a full moment where nothing was happening within you save for the breath entering and leaving through your body and mind?

I didn’t think so.

It is a tall order to try, much less succeed. It is possible, there are countless people throughout time and all over the world who have been able to accomplish it. But is it something that everyone can accomplish the same exact way?

I think not.

Breathing, meditating, taking a moment to really calm down and let yourself just flow within your own mind, is something that is done differently and means something different to each and every person. The countless combinations that are the human mind and soul make it so. There are those that have similar enough personalities and wants and needs and desires that have to accomplish this differently enough and then there are those who couldn’t be more different who find the same comfort and balance from the same exercise or practice.

For myself, I think that the moment where I can ‘go with the flow’ of my own mind, my own heart, is when I am most content with who I am. When I have accepted my life and have decided to work with it and through it rather than needing to ignore something within it. When I am with my family, whether it is all of them or just one or any combination of the above that I am most at peace.

Listening to my eldest nephews play in the backyard, carefree and innocent with the world. Knowing that each has already been touched by something that I would never wish to happen to even my greatest enemy and yet knowing that they are still there, trying to live their lives and find their own joy, even if it is only for the moment.

Watching my eldest niece curl up with a good book, cat in her lap purring in contentment as she slowly turns page after page of whatever had caught her fancy. Or even leaning back against the dying tree in our backyard with a notebook and pencil in hand, drawing out the pictures and scenes in her mind using the knowledge she has gained from the various classes and practices as well as incorporating and using her own style of drawing.

Attending the birthday party of the current youngest of my extended family and watching him enjoy ripping into the wrapping paper of the presents around him while the other children lean forward in anticipation of what their newly turned two-year-old cousin has received. The big smile on his face as I hold him up to blow out the candles of the basketball-shaped gingerbread cake his mother has made from scratch.

Having to run outside to stop the younger nieces and nephews from digging up the stakes holding the fence on the hill in place and pulling on the hibernating branches of the blueberry bush. Finding out that a small amount of hand-sanitizer can make more mud than you’d think possible even on a dry and clear day.

Watching as my mother gathers her granddaughters around for various sewing projects and lessons as each of them and any friends they have brought soak up the attention and the joy on their faces as they present their mothers with the first sampling of their labors. The pride on their faces when they see their mothers using the gifts every day.

There are too many moments where I find myself at peace with my life, being able to ‘move with the flow’ of my own spirit to write down, but knowing that they are there, waiting inside of me to be brought forth, helps to soothe me during times of grief and moments where what little control I have is lost for uncountable minutes.

Taking a moment to just breathe and be.

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Written for this week’s DungeonPrompts: http://theseekersdungeon.com/2014/05/01/dungeon-prompts-season-2-week-17-writing-in-the-flow/

Turn My Day Around – Thankful Thursday

Things I’m thankful for:

Racing an oncoming storm

Feline forgiveness

Short Family Car Trips

Thoughtful gifts from Cotton

(That makes 3 live garden snakes, 2 live birds that can still fly, a duckling, numerous mice (dead and alive), one full grown duck (living), numerous shrews the size of an average guinea pig, numerous gophers/prairie dogs, several dead birds, etc.)

Family support at a talent show reading

Success in baking homemade bread

Children bringing me fruit home because it had the name ‘star’ in it

all images: from marth0stout’s phone

This morning was pretty down for me, but then I stumbled across a prompt called “Thankful Thursdays” and I felt a lot better. After thinking it over for several hours and watching my niece hug my cat after accidentally stepping on her tail, I realized that I didn’t need to be so down when I have so much looking up for me right now. Most of these pictures were taken within the last month or at least within the last 30 days. There were more I wanted to add, but I realized it would make for a super long post which I wasn’t certain I should do.

But I just wanted to make a quick little list of things off my phone that I actually had pictures of to remind myself that there are many things to be thankful for today. No matter how dark things seem, there’s always going to be sunshine at the end, or at least puddles to jump in during the downpour.

Hope that y’all find something that will cheer your day up as well! If not, go on over and checkout the latest post for the Thankful Thursday challenge: http://mithriluna.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/thankful-thursday-gratitude-is-a-life-saving-remedy/

It just might do you a world of good like it did me.

 

Surprise Just Right – Day Twenty-Eight

She was surprised, 

Unfolding before her was a

Romantic moment.

Picture pops and

I find it was random.

So I know it was magical,

Even the occasion needed it.

 

Random act of God?

Random act of kindness?

Inclement weather will not stop,

Because it didn’t go according to plan.

It was wonderful for it.

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Written for today’s NaPoWriMo prompt: http://www.napowrimo.net/2014/04/day-28-2/

This gave me a bit more trouble, but I’m still pleased with how it came out.

Article used: http://www.today.com/news/surprise-strangers-capture-sweet-sidewalk-proposal-magical-photos-1D79574410

Walkway – Day Twenty-Seven

Walk this way, don’t turn astray

And you shall surely find your way.

Laugh and sing and dance

Keep your heart open for a chance.

Weather will come and change quite quickly.

Always remember that life will swallow you thickly

Yet inside, you will always hold a spark of light.

 

And never forget, it wasn’t put there for spite.

 

Others have walked this way aplenty,

Never fearing that they were acting the fool,

Because in life, no one is a tool.

So walk this way and never forget,

Life isn’t through with death just yet.

 

So though the snow may fall,

God still loves us all.

image: http://www.reenhead.com/snow.jpg

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Written for today’s NaPoWriMo prompt: http://www.napowrimo.net/2014/04/day-27-2/

And because I’m just so happy today!

So Far – Day Eighteen

My life has never been so wild

Not since I was a little child.

When life seemed so carefree

And everyone around me was mild.

 

But so anymore,

Life now sometimes is a chore.

I wonder when this became me

And when I became such a bore.

 

Not all days seem like this;

I’m glad or else I know I’d miss

The joy and laughter that is all around

And never leaves me in a mist.

 

My life has come real far

From when I could not drive a car,

I know that there is more in store

And that leaves me happiness that cannot mar.

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Written for today’s NaPoWriMo prompt: http://www.napowrimo.net/2014/04/day-18-2/

I’ve also felt kind of contemplative this morning. It’s been slow and quiet and I’ve loved it.