Put the Glass Down

Who am I if I can’t carry it all?

If I falter…

Who am I if I don’t have what it takes?

No cracks, no breaks

No mistakes, no pressure

-‘Surface Pressure’; from “Encanto”
But it's so hard to go on
Utilizing every source of energy
Reaching further and further inside
Not realizing what you're courting
Only knowing you just can't stop
Until there's nothing left to give
Then you fall and can't get up

I’m not the eldest of my siblings. I’m the third youngest, in fact, which would sound like still pretty up there, but I’m the sixth child my parents had, so it really means that I’m just barely not the end, but not really one of the middle two. I’ve watched different siblings at different times try to carry not only their own loads but those around them. I’ve done it, too. We seem to take turns in my family with doing that. It helps with the burnout that each of us have lived through of one thing or another.

I’ve been told that working like that with one another is…odd.

I don’t know why, though. Isn’t that what family is supposed to be about? Yeah, you have fights and arguments, and maybe you don’t talk a whole lot with each other sometimes, but when you’re family needs help? When you see your siblings fall, don’t you step up and help them? Even if you’re still angry and hurt, you still love them. You can love someone, but not really like them all of the time. That’s just being human. We don’t even always like ourselves, so why would that be any different with others?

I don’t really recall if I’ve written about this before, but it’s been rolling through my head since watching that part of the movie. That sister was approaching burnout at what she saw as the destruction of her family. After all, if she’s the strongest of them and she’s weak when all of the magic might be fading? And her entire concept of her worth is based on what she can do? That’s a recipe for disaster, Disney movie or no.

It’s healthy for someone to take time away in order to rest. Even if they don’t go back to what they were doing before they burned out, it’s important. A person’s worth is more than what they can do.

I Stumble

If you’re not making mistakes, you’re doing it wrong. If you don’t fix your mistakes, you’re really doing it wrong. If you don’t admit to your mistakes, you’re not doing it at all. –TheSovereigntyofReality

Even as I sit and stare
Reaching inside for something more
Right or wrong pulling inside
Only to leave me confused
Reacting as I stumble through

Brown-Eyed Boy – Thankful Thursday

Today, I’m grateful for how our youngest dog wakes me up in the morning to let him out. He puts his front paws on the edge of my bed and lays his head in my side or stomach and then looks at me with his great big brown eyes.

He doesn’t hop all the way on the bed and run up and down it (and on me) like his mother, nor does he bark continuously like his father. He just puts his head on me and gives me his best puppy eyes. It’s one of the best ways to wake up during the cold mornings.

One Moment

Freedom isn’t about getting to do everything you want; it’s about being responsible for everything you do, and being responsible for the results of what you do as well. As a free person, you get to choose, but you also have to be responsible for your choices. –MarbleGlove

For oft have I stood on the path
Reasoning to myself where to turn
Even as the road stretches onward
Eclipsing the option to return

Put Them Down!

So my sister got goslings to help with the weeds in a part of the yard we haven’t done anything with yet. They’re doing pretty good with it, but they’re not fenced in yet. (Because, for some reason, this is how we do the ‘get animals’ thing. We get the animals and then get the fencing.)

Anyway, our oldest dog, Vincent has spent almost two years trying to teach our second oldest dog, Helena how to safely pick up our birds. She’s not the best at it and seems to take a terrible delight in pulling their feathers. We lost a chicken the first fall up here because of that.

They both have soft mouths and can hold raw eggs in their mouths without breaking them. Of course, there’s no way to get the eggs back after they show that they can safely hold them because they eat them.

Now Vincent has realized that the goslings are supposed to wander around, but every now and then Helena decides she won’t stand for that and picks them up to carry them around in her mouth. Whether because she wants to ‘put them up’ or just likes to do it, I have no idea, but she’s not supposed to presently do that and she does actually know that. She keeps doing so today, but half the time before we can even get outside or the window open to stop her, Vincent’s getting on to her and making her let the gosling go.

The gosling, which isn’t missing feathers and is completely unharmed.