Spider’s Friend

Can’t remember when the last time
All of us were here
Remembering what we had
I can’t think of another moment
Not knowing what was lost
Going to keep trying, no matter what

It was hard to think of all the time that had passed. She had thought that there would be more time. They were all pretty young and the majority of them had good health. Their lives had all gone off in different directions. one breaking off first and then another and then another until they only had the barest strands linking them.

The strands that used to be as thick as a wool blanket, newly knit by a master craftsman.

Now they were as thin as a string of spider’s web.

She had thought they were still as strong as a spider’s web, at least. After all, those were very strong strings.

But…

But she had forgotten that it was easier for something, or someone, to come along and cut a spider’s thread, destroy the web that was so beautifully created to provide shelter and sustenance.

She’d been able to catch a few glimpses of some of those threads recently. Some of them still shown, bright with morning dew.

But…

But one was slack, billowing in the wind.

She hadn’t understood what that meant. Still wouldn’t understand it for over six months.

She doesn’t wish she never found out, because ignorance is not bliss. She should know, she’s been caught up because of it before and it never ended well.

The thread was cut by the friend himself. There was no coming back from that.


This was inspired by the Dungeon Prompt: Never Shared.

I’m going to be honest, it took me a bit to be able to finish this one. I won’t go into why, but it was hard. This is a hard subject.

Just, for anyone out there, remember that no one is better without you in the world. Even if you aren’t in their lives anymore, just knowing that you are out there in the world and living can be enough for them.

Please don’t give up.

Harsh Reality

There is no growth in your comfort zone, and no comfort in your growth zone.

Perhaps I did not speak clearly
And lost my meaning in the words
Isn’t it strange how we face life dearly
Not knowing just how much it hurts

I live on a farm. Most of you who are reading this post know that, because it’s something that I’ve talked about often. I knew that it would be hard and that it wouldn’t be something easily done.

You’d think I would have been able to prepare myself a little better and I thought I had. Especially after two and a half years and counting, but I wasn’t ready.

Not by a long shot.

I’m still not ready and I doubt I will ever reach the point where every single loss, no matter which type of animal, doesn’t cut into the strangely still soft heart I possess.

But if I didn’t keep trying, then I don’t think I would be able to keep going at all. Giving up, giving in, has never really been a part of my personality.

Well…

I’m not going to add it to my list of character traits now.

Because all of those that I have lost deserve better from me than just being memories that I run from.

(In other news, I have learned how to perform CPR on small mammals. It should be noted that if they aren’t revived within 10 minutes, it’s too late.

But that doesn’t mean it will always be too late.)

This small poem and accompanying ramble was brought to you by Dungeon Prompt: Defined by a Quote.

Tough Morning – Thankful Thursday

This morning was really hard for me. My sister woke me up before she had to leave to take her kids to school and then head to work to let me know that one of our goats had died in the night.

One of the baby goats, the little bucklings that were born in August and were still small enough to pick up and hold.

We didn’t really know why he had died.

I went through my morning chores: laundry, dishes, checking on the animals and their waters. (Everything freezes over multiple times throughout the day because the temperature is always below the freezing point of water right now.)

I did all of this while crying, because I am a crier, but still able to work even when doing so.

I felt the need to call a friend who also has goats (and has kind of been our go-to person whenever we have goat issues that crop up.) She came right over and listened to me before checking on the only little goatling we have left. She let me know that in the cold weather, most goats’ digestive track slows incredibly fast and it’s very easy for them to become bloated and if they are headbutted (which is how goats play) and it hits them just wrong (which is a worry mostly for the smaller ones that aren’t quite 5 or 6 months old yet, which our two youngest goatlings turn 5 months around Christmas) they can rupture something and die. Being bloated also makes it harder for them to keep warm because it hurts to cuddle up with others if you are too bloated.

My friend was actually surprised that the smaller of the two goatlings had survived the last few nights with how small he is and how bloated he was.

“Those other buckling must really like this one, the only way he could have survived the last few nights was if he was cuddled up with them even when he didn’t want to be.” she told me.

I thought back on it and I did recall that Cowboy and Ventus (our next two youngest after the little ones, but they are closer to 7 months old) do like the little tri-colored goatling that survived.

My friend showed me how to hold the little goatling and pat at his stomach to help him burp out all of the gas that was keeping him bloated. She also showed me how to use a pinch of baking soda every couple of hours to help him to burp without me. (It works kind of like Alka-Seltzer for a goat.) She also told me that just a milliliter and a half of regular human yogurt can help to encourage the good bacteria that’s in his digestive track to start working more, helping him to digest his food better and not end up with all of that gas in him.

She’s also going to come back in a few hours and have a look at my little goatling to make sure he’s doing okay.

That was a really long way to come to, to find what I was grateful for today.

What I’m grateful for was my friend who was willing to come down and help me even when she didn’t know what was wrong. Because I was still crying too much to explain beyond the fact that we had lost a goat in the night. She made sure I was all right and then immediately checked my other goats (while showing me how to do so as well) to make sure they were okay and when she found one that needed care and attention she showed me how to do it and then stayed with me for a bit longer to make sure I not only knew how to do it, but that I wasn’t alone.

I am very blessed to have such a friend.

Check out the original Thankful Thursday.

We Had a Little Life – Thankful Thursday

We had a little life

Given to us from on high

A little, furry life

So small and black

We had a little life

Given to us from on high

That hissed and scratched

So fierce and burning bright

We had a little life

Given to us from on high

So fragile and small

Struggling to live each day

We had a little life

Given to us from on high

We had a little life

Who went back home to the sky


Little Shadow passed away. He wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink. He hurt so much all the time. He just lay down and though we tried to feed him through the eyedropper once more, he would not. We had him for such a short time and I am forever grateful for his fierce little life with us. By the time this post goes up, it will have been two months to the day since he passed on. His life was a miracle for he lived longer than he should have after his accident and for the month or so after the accident he was happy and playful before he suddenly wasn’t.

Cherish the time that you have, you don’t know how long it will be. Hold close the ones you love and tell them, in actions and in words, just how much they mean to you.

Check out the original Thankful Thursday. (Will update link when able.)

Or Not…

Letting you know that you wanted it after all.
Only realizing once it’s no longer there.
Seeking to find a replacement?
Seeking to never feel this again.
 

Sometimes you look around you,

Realizing that someone is gone.

Wondering just how long ago

That you’ve become alone.

Accepting that it wasn’t just you

That there was more to it than you know.

Or not…


Written for the Dungeon Prompt that I just discovered this morning.

Sunlit Memories

Mary often looked out over the city from the top of her apartment building as the sun was setting and thought back to all the last times she’d seen such a sight…

Sitting with her sister in various places, watching the sunset and knowing that it was somehow connected to what they were looking for.

Seeing the sunset for the first time behind her princess and finally finding home.

Eating funnel cake with her sister during the Summer Solstice.

Watching the sky turn dark red hours before sunset as the smoke from the battlefield covered it.

Meeting her sister even in their dreams with a sunset as the background as one of them was deployed and the other was on Nursery Guard Duty.

Seeing the sun lower itself below the hills just as the assassins struck.

Trying to paint a memory during one of her sessions while her sister continued fighting the War.

Meeting Alex as the last rays of daylight slipped into twilight after crashing into the ground, dizzy and disoriented.

Arguing with the stubborn man about which college she wanted to go to, whether she wanted to get a job, anything that involved her going out and interacting with people he hadn’t carefully vetted, all with a sun setting through a background window. He always made sure to be home before the sun would set on any of the important occasions they had agreed on.

Meeting, dating and finally marrying Warren. A kaleidoscope of pictures involving the sun as her Bonded had quickly learned of her love for the celestial body.

The first time they’d held Terrance and then Matt up to see the sunset after their eyes had grown enough to truly see the colors.

The last time they’d watched the sunset on the top of the same apartment complex she was standing on before the separation took place.

Watching the sunset on the eve of the funeral and realizing that she was going to be Alone for the rest of her Days…of which there were likely to be many.

Mary didn’t look away as the last rays of light sunk beneath the edge of the city. Her eyes burned, but no afterimages of light blinked across her vision.

Sunset is still my favorite color, and rainbow is second. –Mattie Stepanek


Inspired by the Monday prompt for Light and Shade this week.

Broken Promise

Warren looked up as they entered his house.

(It wasn’t really home. No one was here with him. Sometimes, when Terrence was home, it was home. But as soon as his eldest left the building it went back to just being a house.)

Some of the thugs were obviously dressed up in the colors of one of the more violent gangs that lived in their city, but Warren knew that they weren’t members of the gang in question. For one thing the Nautilus Gang were a lot louder when they were attacking someone. They weren’t afraid of what they cops would do to them, oh now. They relished going up face-to-face with the cops.

This group had entered his home silently, taking care to disable his complex warning system. Something that could only be done after careful study. Again, not something the Nautilus Gang would bother with, especially for a middle-aged man who was separated from his wife.

“I think you know why we’re here.”

Warren didn’t dignify that with a response. He was only glad that he’d hidden the disk with all of its information in a spot that they would never look for. It was likely that his son wouldn’t find it soon either, but he knew that his wife would.

(She was aware of what he was doing, was aware and supportive about it, even though they were publicly separated and ostensibly going through the beginning of a divorce. Mary knew what he had found and how to find it.)

“You won’t get away with this,” Warren finally said after an hour of them searching for it and taking their frustrations out on him when he wouldn’t ‘help’.

“I believe we already have, Mr. Ginnis.” came the arched reply.

Warren closed his eyes for the last time and thought of his family. He hoped that all of his work would keep them safe.

(“This won’t be forever, Mary. I’ll be home as soon as this is taken care of.”

“How long will that be, Warren? What about the boys?”

“It will work out. I promise.”)

‘I love you Mary, Terrence and Matt. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep my promise.’

“Tell them I came, and no one answered, That I kept my word,” he said.
– Walter de la Mare, The Listeners

Written for yesterday’s Light and Shade Challenge prompt: http://lightandshadechallenge.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/light-and-shade-challenge-monday-30.html