Be My Escape

I’m giving up, I’m giving up slowly

I’m blending in so you won’t even know me

Apart from this whole world that shares my fate.

The assassins struck with an intensity that wasn’t in the least bit surprising. They were only in the middle of a War that spread across the Galaxy and not even just the known portions. No, this was a galaxy-wide war that was devastating on all fronts even as the Enemy was being taken down. They took just as many of the other side’s people (soldiers and civilians) with them. They wouldn’t fall without some insurance that the other side regretted each and every death. They were malicious in their dying laughter, taking joy in knowing that each victory came at too high a price.

Their message was received loud and clear.

You may defeat us, but you will hate every moment of your victory just as you would your defeat.

So when the assassins came for the Royal Children, it wasn’t a surprise. Comet didn’t even blink as she went from playing with the children to keeping them behind a Barrier while she battled five assassins.

She dived and a sword of ice so hot it burned arched up from her palm, impaling the first assassin, the closest to her. It (for she did not take the time to decide upon whether it was male or female for any of those who were about to be neither and only dead) screeched as it fell, clawing at the weapon embedded within its abdomen and burning its hands in the process.

The second and fourth both attacked her from the sides, weapons dripping with poison stinging through her Battle Cloth Armor and drawing blood in strange little spurts. They regretted their actions as her blood burned them wherever it hit while they continued to hack away at her sides, distracting her from the third assassin who had tried sneaking up behind her while she was occupied with the others. The fifth was already hacking away with anything in its own repertoire at the Barrier that Comet placed around the children. It was mostly opaque so that the children would not see what was happening, though they know the basics of the fight either way.

She would not leave them blind to the danger, but would try to soften the blow of it by withholding the goriest of the details.

The fifth would still be standing even as Comet tried to bring down the second and the third. The fourth was down, but it wasn’t dead. She’d iced it over just enough so that it would live, but not be a problem.

This one last bullet you mention

Is my one last shot at redemption

Because I know to live you must give your life away.

She’d already signaled for aid and it would be there soon.

Soon enough for the children to be rescued without more than a horrible fright, but not soon enough for Comet.

She’d known that this would likely happen one day. It was a fact of life, one that she’d felt long before the children had even existed and only solidified when the War had continued to progress and she’d been separated from her sister.

“You are the best at defense, Comet,” her Queen, her Commander, had said. “I don’t doubt that you can be just as devastating with your attacks as your sister, but you have always been the best at an offensive defense while she excels at destruction.”

At that point in the conversation, the Queen had shot an amused look at Star, who’d managed to keep a straight face throughout the briefing on just why the greatest fighting duo was being split up as the War escalated when they’d always worked best when by each other’s side. (That kind of ability was born of having lived in one another’s mind throughout the majority of the world’s ages.) Star did not comment though lines appeared lightly around her eyes as she kept her face blank.

The Queen quickly returned her attention to her second oldest and dearest friend, “We’re sending out more of the Guard along with the Guardians than before and I want to ensure that the children are all kept safe, not just my own. I need someone who I don’t just trust, but know will be capable to take up the duties their leaving behind and guard the children being kept in the palace. You’re one of two that comes straight to my mind and I have the Illusion Master guarding the other group of children being left here.”

Comet had saluted at the same time as Star. They’d accepted that they would be separated during the War, but not like this. Surely they would have been separated, but still both out there fighting, not one of them left behind to defend those that could not do so themselves.

On a later thought, they’d both agreed that they should have seen this coming. Even without one another both sisters were a force to be reckoned with.

And a reckoning had come.

The assassins didn’t know what hit them when they decided to attack those under her care. She did know what hit her when she felt a familiar grip upon her mind.

They had brought a Mind Jewel.

I am a hostage

To my own humanity

Self-detained and forced to live in this mess of me.

It was the third assassin that had brought the Mind Jewel, an artifact that could ensnare the mind of a person no matter the species. It was possible to throw it off without damage should you either have a mind strong enough to do so or an emotional attachment to something, anything, just as strong as the Jewel. Will wasn’t always centered in the mind it was just as often centered in the heart.

But that was what it did to people.

Comet both was and was not a person, just as Star was both a person and yet not a person. It came with being created the way they had been and still sharing a Soul Crystal. To them a Mind Jewel was far more dangerous.

Their wills, both separate and combined, were stronger than a Mind Jewel whether they were using the part of their will that came from the mind or from the heart, but the Jewel would still cling and tear as it was dislodged from them.

Comet had experienced such a thing before and though it had taken near everything Star and Comet together combined with other Guardians and even their Queen, there were still scars in her mind.

Scars that the Jewel snagged and ripped right open. It wasn’t even that the scars themselves would never heal properly; it was the way it was done. They twisted in a completely different manner than the existing scars so that the old scar tissue in the mind would twist and turn around the new scar tissue in just such a way that made it all but impossible to safely remove.

And all I’m asking is for you to do

What you can with me

But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.

The last time this had happened, Star had carefully removed a part of her own will, her own part of their joined Soul, and used it to patch up and encourage the regrowth of Comet’s will, her part of their joined Soul. They wouldn’t be able to do that this time. The last time it had been chancy and risked driving Star just as mad as Comet had been. Something that would have only continued to build upon the both of them as the problem compounded with interest. It was a once in a lifetime (their lifetime, not the regular person’s) fix that could never be used again.

It had taken them almost a century to find the last fix-it for Comet.

I’ve been locked inside that house

And while you hold the key

I’ve been dying to get out and it might be the death of me.

Comet screamed and scratched, lashing out at everything around her. It wouldn’t have been so bad except for the nine inch long claws of ice so solid it might as well have been made of bedrock attached to each of her fingers. The room was shredded, even the walls and it was only because of the material underneath the walls that kept the petite figure still in that room.

Solaris watched from another room, a screen set up to monitor Comet at all times running with little bits of information around the edges giving out the medical stats as well as the video in the middle. The audio had been muted already, no one able to handle the inhuman sounds coming from the red-head’s throat.

This week was a bad one. It wasn’t good days and bad days as it had been the first time Comet’s mind had been broken. The connection between Comet and Star back then had been younger, stronger, less patchwork and Star had been able to mostly balance out the insanity clawing away at her sister by simply being alive and in the same solar system. (Not that Star had left the solar system during those decades when her sister was broken. She hadn’t been needed beyond yet and so had been grateful to not leave her sister behind.) This time was different.

Star wasn’t even in the same spiral arm of the galaxy as Comet.

The parts where the two sisters still brushed up against each other in their joined Soul Crystal were scarred over and twisted, numbing the connection just enough to stop Comet from bleeding over, but also keeping Star from acting as a calm influence even when she was physically standing right next to her other half.

They were lucky if Comet had a good hour when her mind wasn’t trying to break through to the other side of her Soul. Her mind knew, somewhere, that what it needed was just on the other side of the scar tissue, but it couldn’t get to it. It couldn’t reach Star and even during the first time Comet’s mind had been broken that had never happened.

And even though there’s no way of knowing

Where to go, promise I’m going

Because I’ve gotta get out of here.

There was nothing that Star could do.

Others around her whispered that it would be a mercy to-

My sister isn’t some rabid beast that needs to be put down! She would rage in the quiet confines of her heart or to her Queen who, out of all of them, understood.

You couldn’t just kill a Guardian, even those who were the weakest of the Corp were much more resistant to damage and death than others. You couldn’t cleanse or destroy Comet or Star the same way you could other chaos-souled. It was the way they were created.

Stolen genetic material from some of the strongest and most powerful bloodlines on Earth mixed with the very essence of newly born stars and comets at their most basic level with that little bit of Chaos mixed in just right. (This was a horribly simplified way to explain how they were created, but it was what most people had to work with.)

Their Queen, once she had worked out one of the things that made Star and Comet, well, them had commented that, “You should both survive in some capacity so long as a star burns or comet soars through the cosmos.”

So allowing Comet to just, well, die, wasn’t possible. No matter how much of a danger she was to others.

What had once been one of the biggest strengths to the Guardians was now heavier than any milestone on any planet.

And I’m begging you

I’m begging you

I’m begging you to be my escape.

The song lyrics are from Be My Escape by RelientK.

Yes, I am a horrible, horrible person for doing this to someone, and not only once, but twice, apparently.


Forever and a Day

Together, forever, no matter how long
From now until the end of time
We’ll be together and you can be sure
That forever and a day
That’s how long we’ll stay
Together and forever more.
–John Loeffler

It’s been a year and a day since my little sister, the baby girl in our family, put on her white dress, pulled her hair up in curls, curled her hand around our father’s arm and walked down the aisle.

A year and a day since she put aside our father’s name for a new one.

Since her life changed more than any of us ever imagined as children.

She’s still happier than I’ve ever seen her in our entire lives.

He’s still glowing whenever he talks about her.

Since he watched her walk closer to him.

A year and a day since he shared his home and name.

It’s been a year and a day since my new brother, whose just two months older than me, put on his vest and tie, combed his hair just right, stood still with his best friend at his side and watched his future enter the room.

No matter where our destiny leads
I’ll be there for you, always come through
And that you can believe.
–John Loeffler


Who says, who says you’re not worth it?
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re the only one whose hurting
Trust me, that’s the price of beauty,
Who says you’re not pretty?
Who says you’re not beautiful?
Who says? –“Who Says” by Selena Gomez

Why were people so heartless? So eager to cast someone, anyone down into the dirt and mock them as they flung stones? Why did they only feel better about themselves when they were destroying someone else?

It didn’t always end in death. Oh no, it was far more fun if their victim lived on, that way they didn’t have to find another to trap in the entanglement of their chosen entertainment.

Even those that had once been in the dirt were eager enough to squash someone else beneath them so that they knew that, for all their pains, there was someone worse off.

What would it take to stop this cycle? To change it so that pulling someone up and out of the mud would make you feel better instead of shoving them back down in it.

Is it even worth it some days?

Only you, yourself, can know the answer. It’s not the same for everyone, because some people just need time away from it all to rest. To step back and do something else, worry about anything else, because they’ve been int he trenches so long, that they’re starting to forget that anything else ever existed in the first place, let alone that they can make it.

In the end all it takes is time. Time that you use yo out-stubborn, outlast and out-believe that your way is the correct way in the first place. Because there’s no other way to do it.

Not that I’ve seen.

This mini-rant was inspired first by a post from Oliana that I read today, Sense of Loss, but the rant isn’t just about what was contained in her post. It was further pushed out because of this week’s Three Word Wednesday prompt.

There are many, many, many different ways to hurt someone, to push them down.

If only we had more ways to pull them back up instead.

Once Even I Was A Little Child, And I Was Afraid

Matt hummed softly as he walked down the long hallway, carrying his precious bundle so carefully. Halfway down the hall a door stood open and inside was a bedroom done up in soft warm colors, reds and browns and golds with an occasional touch of blue to offset it. He moved towards the bed which was already turn down, the quilt showing a starburst pattern on it.

Once his little bundle was placed in the bed and tucked in he sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through the child’s hair and his humming continued and moved into words.

Little child, be not afraid
The rain pounds harsh against the glass
Like an unwanted stranger
There is no danger
I am here tonight

The little girl in front of him smiled and rolled over so that she could peek up at him through her eye lashes, humming along with his little lullaby.

Little child, be not afraid
The thunder explodes
And lightning flash
Illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight
And someday you’ll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls in rivers and land
On forest and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning
Little child, be not afraid
The storm clouds mask your beloved moon
And it’s candle like beams
So keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight
Little child, be not afraid
The wind makes creatures of our trees
And the branches to hands
They’re not real understand
And I am here tonight

She frowned slightly, sleepily at the words about the moon. Matt smiled, but kept singing softly. He knew that she’d always preferred the sun or the stars to the moon, but this was the way the song went.

And someday you’ll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls in rivers and land
On forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning
For you know once even I was a little child
And I was afraid
But a gentle someone always came
To dry all my tears
To switch sleep for fears
And to give a kiss goodnight

Matt’s voice shook slightly over the previous verse, remembering when his mother would sing him to sleep. The little girl’s eyes had slipped closed by now, but she was still just slightly awake, so Matt carried on.

Well, now I am grown
And these years have shown
The rains a part of how life goes
But it’s dark and it’s late
So I’ll hold you and wait
Until your frightened eyes do close
And I hope that you’ll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls in rivers and land
On forest and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning
Everything’s fine in the morning
The rain’ll be gone in the morning
But I’ll still be here in the morning

After the lyrics had all been sung, Matt continued humming slightly though the little girl was deeply asleep. His hand had long since stopped carding through her dark red hair an sat limply in his lap. His eyes hadn’t stopped watering throughout the ending of the song and tears were still trickling quietly down his cheeks.

Little Mary snuffled softly in her bed, unaware of her silently crying son next to her.

This little snippet is far into the future for this little universe, but it’s been on my mind for a while and I had to write it down.

My mom often sang us to sleep at night, so much so that the first thing I have ever tried to get my nieces and nephews to sleep is some of her songs being sung softly.


What is love? Oh baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me, no more. -Haddaway

All my life I’ve had problems with one word: love.

It’s not something I’ve understood, not really, for all that I can write about it to a certain extent. In a way, it’s not love itself that I’ve had problems with, but rather the way I have seen it used. In the movies, on television, in books and even in real life.

It often left me asking, what is love? What is love?

Is it something you hold?

Is it something you see?

Is it something that you show?


It’s something that is intangible and yet something that is spoken of often. It’s something that I have tried to study off and on throughout my life, hoping to come to an understanding of what, exactly, it is.

There are so many different sayings about love throughout many different cultures.

If you love it, set it free. If it loves you, it will come back.

If you love someone, you possess them and let them possess you.

Love is something seen and shown, but not something you can hold.

All’s fair in love and war.

Misery loves company.

Not for love or money.

There are too many to really write them all down, at least in the time I have before I have to go and check the dough again.

In the end I’ve found a few things that tell me what love is.

Love is when you’ve upset someone, fairly or unfairly, but the moment you need help they’re still there to help you.

Love is when a little child will fall asleep in your arms, trusting you to not drop them.

Love is when a mother or father will work endless hours in order to put food on the table and clothes on their children’s backs.

Love is when you are injured terribly, but you still run as fast as you can to get help for someone who you can’t carry with you.

Love is when a random stranger steps out and helps you when you’re falling apart.

Love is being forgiven even when you don’t deserve it.

Love is taking in a family member or a friend that needs a place to sleep, for however long, even when you’re so angry with them you can barely speak with them.

Love is continuing to try to make a relationship workout, no matter what is owed, because the relationship is more important than the money. (Does not have to be a romantic relationship.)

Love is your cat cuddling up to lick away your tears after they’ve come back from the vet with staples in their side because you were trying to cut the clumps out of their fur.

Love is someone knowing that you’ve had a hard time lately and just walking up to you and giving you a hug without saying anything because they know that you just need to hold on to someone for a bit.

Love is coming across mountains and valleys to visit your sister-in-law in the hospital even though you’ve never really gotten along.

Love is continuing to be someone’s friend even when they aren’t being a friend back.

Love is continuing to write to someone every month for years, even when they don’t write back.

Love is closing the door, covering the windows and trying to play very quietly because someone’s head hurts so badly they can’t even think.

Love is the Pure Light of Christ, which never wavers and shows itself in every little moment of the day, both through nature, animals and other people.

I am not a passionate woman in anything but my writing. I’m not good with words unless I’m writing them down and I often don’t understand something, some feeling. But I know for a fact that love is real, that it isn’t something that grasps and demands. It is something that is still and active, loud and quiet, simple and complicated.

It is something that just is.

Written for Suzie81’s weekly challenge:

Eventually… – Day Nineteen

Universal disease can only be cured in one way.
Never let it be unsaid that the cure wasn’t painful.
Even though she was alone, she wasn’t
Quite alone. There was another here who stayed
Until she gained some kind of mental footing.
Although she understood why she had been sent away,
Longing filled her split soul.

Sun’s coming up, coming up down on main street…Head in my hands, here I am standing in my bare feet.

Watching you drive away, watching you drive away. – Dixie Chicks

Bared in a way that she had never been before,
In her heart she was alone.
There was no soothing force that spread and healed
The cracks in her mind.
Eventually, she would accept that this was now her life.
Reality had always been harsh and yet…
Something within told her that this 
Was only the beginning…
Even should she ever find her other half,
Even should she stand next to her family…
There was no doubt in her mind that her sister was just as torn.

Written for today’s NaPoWriMo prompt on using a sea shell:

Also, this is a part of one of my ongoing little universes. It’s been a bit since I’ve visited one of them with a poem.

Inaction to Decision

Sometimes the sun goes ’round the moon.
There isn’t a lot left to do,
He’s been found again and again.
Even more ripples in the sand, growing and growing and growing.
Before it all they’d been so close,
Even apart they’d known they were united.
Siblings in all but blood,
Their souls knew one another as soon as their eyes met.
You wondered how you’d make it through.
For years and years they fought side by side
Only for it to change in the blink of an eye;
Right and wrong changed in his mind.
Lost and confused, he didn’t know which way to turn.
A far away dream or the life he’d always had?
Silly though it may seem, he found this life was not
The one for him; he chose to drift away.
But now we’re standing face-to-face.
Years went by and she did not stay his hand
Only stepped in after the damage was done,
Undoing what she could and mourning what she can’t.
When finally she was there, catching him in the act.
Events slowed to a crawl and his face morphed from glee to disdain.
Not going to stop me? he asked, taunting her with her inabiltiy.
The moment passed and steel encased her heart.
Just when I thought our chance had passed.
Anceint responsibilites flooded her mind and she knew she could
Never let him complete another actions like this.
Don’t think, she spoke with ice, that inaction equals inability.
Silvery light tinged red flooded her hands
And a sword sharp and ready grew within the plam.
Vengence was not on her mind as she swing the blade
Even though this man in front had killed her brother before all else.
Deadened eyes still wept as the dance of death began.
You go and save the best for last.
-Vanessa Williams

Inspired by the song “Save the Best for Last” by Vanessa Williams running through my head all morning. It would not leave me alone and this story/poem demanded to be written as a result.

Also, I’m slightly mourning the lack of Trifectra prompt/challenge for this week even though I understand the reasons behind it closing.