Not Goodbye

My heart beats unevenly

Only to choke me on my breath

Reality is not my friend now

Taking the small figure in shaking hands

And leaning over the too stillness to cry

Letting parts of prayer soothe the ache

 

The first time I had an animal die on the farm, it wasn’t just one. It was a whole litter of seven little bunnies. I sat and held their mother and cried all over her. I think she took it a lot better than I did, though she let me cry into her soft fur for over thirty minutes after Sissy (dog) had abandoned me for somewhere with less excitement. (Sissy doesn’t take people being upset very well…or at all…she hates crying and yelling with a passion and will leave the house to get away from it if she has to.)

The next three times it happened all I could think about was how I was always the one to find the bunnies after they’d died instead of anyone else.

By the sixth time, it was a goose that had been sick and not adjusting to its new home well.

Each time it happened (bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, goatling, bunnies, chickens, geese, chickens, bunnies, more bunnies, we have a lot of bunnies…) I would wrap the body (except for the goose) in bags and say a small prayer before burying the bodies in the only place available at the time (the garbage, because the ground freezes really hard). I still don’t like it when one of the animals dies, but I know that this life isn’t the end, so that when they die they aren’t vanishing while leaving only a body that will crumble and decay behind. No, they’ve gone somewhere else.

This isn’t the end of it for them, nor is it the end of this for us.

There is more. What we each believe that more is will change, but there is something there and I take comfort in that.

This isn’t a goodbye, just a see you later.

Re-visit of Dungeon Prompt: Mortality and the Human Psyche.

The Lion With The Lamb

image: Sissy and Usako, martha0stout's phone

image: Sissy and Usako, martha0stout’s phone

Pets will lie down
Even should they disagree
At what is allowed.
Cat loves to cuddle
Especially with a friend.
 

This little poem is for the revisit of Sreejit’s Dungeon Prompt: Peace. Also, my cat, Usako loves to cuddle. She’ll cuddle with anyone once she’s gotten used to you. Sissy’s like that too except Sissy doesn’t like fights at all. Usako will pick on my sister’s cat, Iris. This upsets Sissy and so she’ll go rushing over. She doesn’t bark or nip or anything, but a large animal showing up? That sends Usako scampering. They don’t always get along, my cat and my dog, but when they want to cuddle, they’re both at peace.

You’ve Ignored me, Now I Ignore You

I am entitled to know all his business.
–Lady Catherine de Bourgh
 
Reality never seems to show what’s there;
I find that demands are constantly placed here.
Getting in the way of my life, because you believe you have the right?
How is it that someone who has never cared
To help me, opinion’s now what I should share.
 

Alex said nothing as his father ranted and raved at him.

“Why you should take this little nothing into our family when she is just that! A nothing!”

He had to sit and listen to his father, a man who had never done a single thing in his life to deserve the title ‘father’, degrade the choice of his son to adopt a woman as his sister without his ‘father’s’ approval.

Alex stood as his father began to speculate on the connection between him and his new sister.

“That is quite enough. I will hear no more from you.”

Alex left the room, his father still yelling after him to come back.

‘You spent decades ignoring my cries, Father. Now it is your turn to be denied.’


Another little part of my Former Guardian universe using a character that I wasn’t even sure was going to show up. Alex’s father is not the kind of character that I like to write about and I honestly never thought he’d show up until he was yelling and screaming at Alex.

I really don’t like him.

Anyway, this is partially inspired by the revisit of the Dungeon Prompt: Entitlement Ideology from Sreejit.

No Respite

Say it again one more time
And don’t forget you have to rhyme,
For in life there is no respite
Even from words, you’ll find I’m right.
 
How could it be that they hold me down?
A couple of letters keep me spinning ’round;
Very often I have found myself lost
Even though in my mind there is no moss…
Now I’ve gone and my way with words is lost.
 
Have you ever gone looking for a story, just one, in your own mind and become lost?
 
Even here in my own mind, I find no peace with so many worlds demanding their turn at the type.
 

This was inspired by the rewrite that Sreejit started of his own Dungeon Prompts, this one is for the Dungeon Prompt: Seeking Refuge. Now that my mind has started on these once again, I find that I am captivated all over again.

This is a good thing.

Foggy Morning

A fog hovers overhead

Not sure where to go instead

Wander the halls

Lost and feeling small

Just want to rest

Can’t find the best

Way to turn off

My mind, it’ll scoff

Does it not feel

That guilt is real

Is there no way

That I can see day

Because this night

Will keep light

Inside of me

Just let it be!


This was inspired by my inability to sleep last night and yet still waking early (why?!) and also by the revisit of the Dungeon Prompt: Guilt.

Loss of Balance

Finding a balance between her professional life, something that was necessary to pay the bills and take care of her sons, and her time spent with her sons was very difficult. On the one side, she wanted to bury herself in her work completely so that she didn’t have to think about the hole in her life that used to be filled by her husband. She wanted to keep her body moving so that her mind didn’t have time to think.

On the other hand, she didn’t want to lose anymore of her sons’ lives than she already had. She had missed months if not years of her eldest’s life. She knew that he still blamed her for the divorce between Warren and her. Mary had never been able to sit down and really talk it over with Terry and not talking about it had caused the rift to grow.

“Mary, let me help, you don’t have to work yourself to death for this.” 

“No, Alex,” Mary sighed over the phone, “I need to work, you know that more than anyone else.”

“Mary, you’re missing the best years of Matt’s life, you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you made with Terry.”

Mary drew in a breath of air sharply, but said nothing as she carefully closed the cell phone in her hand.

She wondered if she’d ever find the balance that she needed in this life or if, when it did come, it would ever be allowed to last.

“Alex, you don’t understand,” she whispered to herself, the phone sitting on the table beside her, “My kind are not allowed to do anything other than make mistakes.”

The sun was high in the sky as she looked out the window, the rays beating down on her with a harsh glare as if to remind her of what she was even if she was no longer who she had been.


This was a combination of two prompts: the Dungeon Prompt: Balance and the Art of Succeeding in an All or Nothing World by Sreejit and the Light and Shade Challenge for this first Monday of the month.

This Year I Will…

image: sister just older than me's old art pad

image: ‘Sisters’ , from sister just older than me’s old art pad

Remember that we are not invincible
Especially when life is hard.
So keep in mind my limitations
Or down upon the ground I’ll go.
Let old hurts heal
Until all that’s left is a scar.
Think about why I feel something
Even if that reason hurts.
 
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
–Aristotle

(This image is one that my sister drew based off a picture of two of our other sisters.)

This post is inspired by two prompts: Eclectic Corner #3 – Resolutions and the revisit of Dungeon Prompt: Mortality and the Human Psyche. Make sure to check out the prompts as well as Sreejit’s revisit of his Dungeon Prompt, Defined by the Darkness, it’s really good for making you think!